Episode 8

Synopsis

In Part One of the the Two Day Event That Will Shock America, Juan Pablo and Nikki went to her hometown of Kansas City. Nikki turned out to be a barbecue-eating, beer-drinking, bull-riding redneck who was best friends with her mom. She kept on wanting to tell JP that she loved him, but couldn't.

JP and Andi went to her hometown of Atlanta. They went to shoot guns. For the first time ever, JP sucked at something. I noticed Andi's hair goes from dark to light as it goes down. Melissa informed me it's called "ombre" and Andi's had it all season. Andi's dad was named Hy. Hy was not pleased that JP was dating three other girls along with her.

JP and Renee went to her hometown of Sarasota, Florida. Renee said she was so excited to see her son that she was going to "literally eat" him. Fortunately she didn't. Instead she hugged him and they watched him play baseball. Renee said watching her son with JP "feels natural" despite the ever-present camera crew and polyamorous boyfriend. Her son was really quiet the whole time. Perhaps having four dudes in his bedroom holding television equipment didn't feel so natural to him.

JP and Clare went to her hometown of Sacramento. JP is really racking up those frequent-flyer miles. They chatted in a park. Then they went to her house to meet her family, which was like the Game of Thrones scene where they meet the Frey daughters and granddaughters.

There was a weird scene with her mom, who was like a female version of Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's until she came out of her trance and started speaking Spanish.

At the rose ceremony, JP said hasta la vista to Renee. Maybe he learned something at that shooting gallery after all.

Standings

Schwartzes: 36 points
Andi: 18.5
Chelsie: 9.5
Cassandra: 8

Hy was kind of scary, but I thought every one of his points was spot-on. Most fathers would have pretty serious reservations about their daughter potentially marrying someone who's dating a bunch of other women. I also think there's a 15% chance Hy was an actor playing the role of Andi's father.


Kelly & Phil: 34.5 points
Alli: 5
Nikki: 22
Kat: 7.5

K&P are 1.5 points behind Schwartzes and 6.5 points ahead of MoonBee. Schwartzes/K&P will almost certainly win the pool if their pony wins the final rose. It gets interesting if Clare wins it. Here's a reminder of points that can still be won:

• 2 points - saying "I love you" to The Bachelor
• 2 points - accepting a marriage proposal from The Bachelor
• 4 points - finishing in second place
• 5 points - being invited to the Fantasy Suite
• 8 points - finishing as the final contestant

MoonBee: 28 points
Clare: 21.5
Sharleen: 6
Chantel: .5

Clare seems so comfortable in front of the cameras. Like JP and myriad other reality TV legends, she's mastered that 80%/20% actual/acting ratio. JP loves that about her. It gives her an edge, an excitement that JP digs. Eight episodes in I still don't really know who Clare is.


Dregs: 12.5 points
Danielle: 4.5
Kelly: 6
Lucy: 2

If three teams are still in the mix with three contestants left and at least one of them won't necessarily win the pool even if one of their contestants wins the show, I'd say our scoring system was pretty darn solid for its inaugural season.


Greenbergs: 9.5 points
Renee: 15
Victoria: -7.5
Christy: 2

Greenbergs finally passed A to Z, but ultimately fell short of The Dregs. Even if we rewarded Renee 2 points for saying "I did fall in love with you", the Greenbergs would be a point short of escaping the sub-Dreg zone. Amazingly, two teams are on the charity hook.


A to Z: 6.5 points
Elise: 
Lauren: 3.5
Amy: 0

How exactly does the charity payment work? How much is it? Does it go to the charity of the winner's choice? Is it paid immediately after the season finale? I'm pretty sure we decided upon all these things but that was even longer ago than A to Z was eliminated from the pool, so I've forgotten.