Episode 4

The episode starts with Blake and Becca pick out kids names. Overall not bad choices, IMO.

David is released from the hospital from his presumed head bleed and facial fractures and his “near death” tumble from the top bunk. I absolutely think it’s hilarious, but in my ICU we have a patient who fell out of bed and is now a quadriplegic, so I guess it’s no laughing matter…

Jordan has zero compassion for David (shocking, I know). He compares David to a Picasso and is certain that he will demolish him since he still has his devilish good looks. Jordan is underestimating the sympathy points from Becca who immediately rewards his return with a rose.

Jordan lets loose by not wearing a tie with a shirt that has an angled collar. He’s showing her he “could go either way right now”. Jordan nicknames himself “captain underpants” after Becca gifted him with shiny gold boxer shorts in memory of his catastrophic waltz through the cocktail party naked last week.

The show gets interrupted on DVR for the “severe thunderstorm warning” that was in effect for golf ball sized hail at my house. They were correct.This information would have been helpful if I had watched it in real time...

Golf ball sized hail on Owl Dr.

This brings us to the first rose ceremony where Jason, Nick- who wears a fucking tracksuit and still gets a rose (and got shockingly little attention for it), Wills, Christon, Leo, Lincoln, Blake, Garrett, John, Connor, Jordan (wtf?!), and Jean Blanc get roses.

Sending ponytail (Mike) and tall guy (Ryan?) home.

On to Park City Utah.

Garrett gets the 1 on 1 and they go shopping (every mans dream date).  Becca gets so giddy with Garrett, it’s cute. She is drawn to the fact that he is good at eye contact. I get that, that's one thing that I liked about Tom on our first date (<3). They take a chair lift to the top of a mountain to go bobsledding. I’m pretty envious. Garrett revealed that he is divorced. The glass shattered a little for Becca, but obviously she still gave him a rose.

Lincoln reveals he is a flat-earther. Leo rightfully questions his sanity. Maybe they don’t teach science in Nigeria? Or maybe he skipped that day of school?  I vote you get negative points if your contestant is a flat-earther. What is this, 1750?!

It appears Becca is fighting a cold but she pushes on with a group date with: Jordan, Chris, Blake, Nick, John, Lincoln, Leo, David, Connor, Christon, Jason, and Colton.

Becca and I like lumberjacks. She outfits the men in our version of porn - plaid shirts and suspenders. “It’s not about the size of the ax, it’s how you swing it” Jean Blanc explains. Which I’m sure was intended to be more of an innuendo than an accurate statement. I really want to try the ax throwing. Becca seems incredibly good at it. Although this seems dangerous for this accident prone group of guys. The group date trophy goes to John because he climbed a pole really well.

Becca continues my dream date by going to a distillery. Damn this is a cool.

Jordan drops his drawers to show off his incredibly shiny tight gold shorts that she gave him. The boys drop a “right reasons” and stir the pot.

Mike Nelson-the-weather-guy is back for about the 8th time and made a nice joke about being too old for Becca.

Shocker - Jean Blanc gave Becca a fragrance. It was named after her except with her last name hyphenated with his. Bold move. She’s not feeling it. Even though he drops the first “I’m falling in love with you” of the season. She stares at him awkwardly for a moment before … the satellite connection fails with this epic storm. But apparently Jean took it back. And it appears she sent him home. (I gave him the points for the “I Love You”, if anyone disagrees feel free to comment).

All she wants is a man who know what he wants (cough, thanks Arie). Now the dudes are on edge, especially Wills who gets the next 1 on 1.

Becca and Wills go snowmobiling. Wills seems like a sweet guy. His gentle nature seemed to change her spirits (and the tempo of the background music). They have deep conversation and he gets the rose.

Becca wears a very pretty strapless dress in the snow without a jacket to the rose ceremony. Leo, Colton, Blake, Jason, Connor, Lincoln, John, Chris, David, and Jordan get roses. Sending home Nick and Christon home

Lincoln: “I hope she knows how I feel about her and I hope she knows that the things I say are true and honest” except, you know, that that the EARTH IS FLAT!

Next up: Vegas. Say hi to my love for me!

The Teams are like this:

A bunch of us look to be in trouble with only 2 ponies left except that we all have favorites who will undoubtedly go deep. Andi/ Eric and Julia/Paul battle for the last team standing points. Somehow the dreg Leo is staying strong making me scratch my head a little since he hasn’t gotten much screen time.

Episode 3 by Paul Wasika

Thanks for your patience, everyone. I was busy having a lovely visit with Tom out in San Fran and had limited access to a computer. Paul was kind enough to write the blog this week. Enjoy :)

The chicken thinks Becca would like someone a little more deep than Jordan

Colton is trying to get past the baggage of having dated Tia - one of Becca's friends

Tia disclosed that she and Colton dated and they ended things when he decided to go on the show - it sounded like he thought Tia might be the Bachelorette

The guys showed up to the spa and Colton's face was priceless when he rounded the corner and saw Tia

Becca started introducing everybody and then forgot Jason's name, lol

Luckily for Colton, it sounds like his relationship with Tia ended amicably

The girls painted all the guys' nails

Tia and Becca went off and had a talk. She disclosed that all she and Colton did was kiss. She also said that Colton disclosed within a few days of "talking" with her that he was planning on trying to get on the show.

Becca, "Do you think he was hoping it was you?"

Tia, "I mean, prob- possibly, yeah. A possibility."

After the spa the group date went for drinks. Jean Blanc pulled Becca aside fairly early. He pulled out a massage tool only to put in on the table instead of massaging Becca, lol. Then had some bland conversation and ended it with a heart-felt hug. Clearly this relationship is headed into the "friendzone" category.

Becca then took Jason aside and apologized for forgetting his name. He seemed to take it well, especially after they started sucking tongue.

The guys started talking about Jordan's Tinder matches. He casually bragged about his 4,000 matches in 2017 alone, but also felt the need to throw out that he's very selective with who he swipes right on, and that he has about 100% matching percentage.

Willis has a "no fucks given" attitude that cracks me up, lol

David then went and talked with Becca

David, "You know, I'm not one to throw people under the bus. But..."

Then he proceeds to throw Jordan under the bus

Becca came back to the group and jokingly gave Jordan a high five for his 4,000 matches.

Jordan and David then started getting into it. Jordan toasted, "Here's to you being a bitch" and walked off.

David, "Do you guys agree that it was kind of funny?"

Crickets.

Jordan then went and pulled Becca aside. After an awkward hug, he sat her down for a heart-to-heart.

Jordan, "I know it's hard with me being like uh, a model"

He continues, "And it's tough, you know? I can't find anyone who matches the intensity or the fun... this is dating Becca, you know? You are something that I would like to see myself next to. You're the goal."

Jordan rejoins the group and he and David start to go at it again.

David keeps trying to get a rise out of him, but finally Jordan gets the last word.

Jordan, "Attached to me, is professionality." Wills and Jason do their best to contain their laughter, but have very little success.

Chris got the 1-on-1 back at the house.

Becca and Colton step aside. After reassuring her that Tia was in the past Becca went back in the common room and brought the rose back to Colton.

Jordan's side interview with the cameras contained a few more gems.

Jordan, "I'd be worried if I was him. Karma is karma."

Chris and Becca went on their 1-on-1

They went to Capitol Records where they met Richard Marx.

They sat and talked with Richard for a bit, at which point he said they would be writing their own love song.

The look on Chris' face was priceless:

Chris told the cameras about being abandoned by his dad, and how it's hard to be vulnerable and let his walls down.

Becca, "Chris, you brought out my smile on this rainy day, and tonight I want to hear more of what you have to say. When I first met you, you were humming behind me, but from here on out I want you singing beside me."

Chris, "Becca, seeing who you were made me take a risk. That first night out the limo, different emotions in the mix. Hard for me to break down walls, opening up didn't seem to exist. But then I looked into those beautiful eyes, breaking down my walls, I couldn't resist. Your smile captivates me, those eyes give me hope the idea of seeing you at the end of this is what I want to envision most."

Well played sir.

Richard then played a catchy tune to the lyrics and it was pretty awesome.

Becca seems smitten with Chris at this point.

They went to dinner together where Chris opened up and shared with Becca why it was so hard for him to open up earlier on the date. She loved what he shared and gave him the rose.

After dinner they slow danced with Richard serenading them.

Becca, "I'm on cloud nine right now."

Back at the house paramedics carried David out of the house on a stretcher.

Apparently he fell out of his bunk bed right onto his face.

Chris Harrison went and had a conversation with Becca about what happened.

She called David and he seemed in good spirits.

Back at the house Jordan was installing a guard rail on David's bunk - what a nice guy.

On the next group date they went to play some football.

To help with the group date, they brought out two Legends Football League girls who looked like they could kick the shit out of half the guys.

Julia and I were curious what Legends Football League was, so she Googled it and found out that it used to be Lingerie Football League, which apparently was a thing.

Lincoln is the most uncoordinated jacked dude on the planet.

They started to play an actual game. Right from the opening kickoff Lincoln keeps getting in the way of his own team, it's really funny to watch, lol. Lincoln then gets burned for a TD shortly after. Lincoln then got run over by his own teammate.

The last play of the game Clay turns on beast mode and takes on the entire other team by himself on a Quarterback sneak. He ends up scoring the TD, but unfortunately he breaks his wrist in doing so. He ends up having to go to the ER.

Later that night the group went to an antique shop to have some drinks.

Garrett showed Becca how to tackle someone and snuck in some kisses.

Blake referred to Becca as his girlfriend, which she really liked. He's primed to go far.

Clay showed up and said he needed to get checked out by an orthopedic surgeon the following day.

He and Becca went aside and had a moment.

The group listened to her talk about how much fun she had before giving the rose to Clay. Normally I'd refer to this as a pity rose, but he seems like a genuinely nice guy well deserving of the rose.

Everyone was back at the mansion for the next rose ceremony. Connor pulled Becca aside to play some whiffle baseball out in the courtyard. She rounded the bases, and gave a friendly hug when she crossed home plate.

Jason's stock seems to be rising, despite Becca not remembering his name the day before.

Clay then decided that he had to go get the surgery and leave the show. Poor guy :(

To be continued..

THE TEAMS:

 

Episode Two

Excellent drafting everyone! It seems like most people were on the same page and we wound up with 3 true dregs.

Anywho, back to Bri and Dougs place for this weeks episode! FYI Bri and Doug are moonlighting as a doggy day care (I can only assume because there are currently 5 dogs at their house), so if you’re in need, this is the place :) Also, if you have any spreadsheet needs Doug is very skilled. Between the efforts of Doug and Paul we are in business with some fancy spreadsheet action (Thanks guys!). 

The first group date card of the season reads: “I’m ready for my big day” to Clay, NIck, Chris R, David, Jean-Blanc, Jordan, Lincoln, and Connor. The apparent dress code for the day is either a blue or grey cardigan but they quickly ditched those clothes for suits. Becca and I enjoyed watching them get undressed. This is reminiscent of Becca’s first date last season where Arie dressed her up in fancy clothes. Except unlike her episode these guys quickly ruined them. 

Becca learns that Jordan is a model. “Who can beat me at being in clothes?” Jordan wonders while goofy oboe music plays.

Then they all go to a field where Rachel and Bryan (from a previous season) were waiting. I guess Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunas weren’t available this season. They get their nice clothes dirty doing the silly marriage themed obstacle course. Jordan took the time to man-splain what each kitschy marriage obstacle meant. I’m so glad. I didn’t get it until he spelled it out for my little woman brain.

It was no surprise that the football player was good at the ice bath but it didn’t matter because Lincoln cheated by shaking his timer down. Lincoln-the-cheater wins which makes the other boys grumpy. Lincoln just claims that Becca “brings out the best in him”. He also gets the first kiss of the season. So even if the boys are mad, whoever drafted Lincoln is happy - he’s raking in the points early. 

Lincoln makes eyes at the keepsake photo of Becca from the day and kisses it. The boys feel he is throwing it in their faces so Connor threw the picture like a frisbee into the pool. So now Lincoln lost his picture AND there is glass in the pool. Great move.

Lincoln tattles on Connor but doesn’t tell the whole story. Becca patronizes him a little by encouraging him to “take some deep breaths”. How does she not feel like she is parenting toddlers? “I’m looking for a man who can handle himself well” she says to Connor. Things aren’t looking well for him. Lincoln cries over his broken photo (too bad we don’t have the technology to REPRINT ONE). But regardless his tears earn him another point.

The group date rose goes to Jean-Blanc (Marcia called it!). Bri reminds us that Becca doesn’t know yet that he doesn’t have a real job…

Blake from Bailey CO gets the first 1 on 1. 

Blake and Becca drive off in a limo for a surprise date to find Chris Harrison with a sledge hammer (only slightly creepy). Somehow they make a jumpsuit look cute on Becca. And some dude named “Little John” (who I learned is a hip-hop artist) plays loud music for them to smash things to. Bri is convinced that Little John must not have much to do right now, but that doesn’t stop Blake from claiming he is a “huge” fan. This must be a very weird date for Blake since everything has to do with Arie…

The “dinner” portion of the date went well. They shared some tender moments and the seem to have good chemistry. Blake will be with us for a while, I assume. He gets the rose and she pulls him in for a kiss.

The next date card is for: Garrett, Rickey, John, Ryan, Alex, Christon, Trent, Leo, Wills and Colton who take a school bus to play dodgeball. Bri and I discuss how Becca must have stuffed her butt. She’s too thin to have that shapely of a butt. Some kids coach them. They are afraid of the little girl. Christon keeps pelting Becca with balls to warm up. Then they play a tournament on trampolines. Leo had man-bun issues but he still schooled everyone in dodge ball. “These guys don’t understand that winning doesn’t come from biceps curls or triceps extension, it comes from the heart” Leo offered.

The cocktail party was pretty dull until Colton fessed up that he dated Tia (from last season) which for some reason makes Becca feel “sick” which we can only hypothesize is due to the timing of it all. I don’t understand. Wills gets the group date rose and Connor lets Becca throw a picture of him into a pool to symbolize that that he’s “not that guy”. The glass didn’t break this time, which the pool-guy was thankful for. 

Jordan does “more with less” and he walks through the cocktail party in his little boxer briefs and dress shoes. He fesses up that he’s not “007 all the time but his hair will always look good.” In her conversation with Jordan Becca learns that he wants a little Jordy “mini me”. I throw up in my mouth a little. Luckily, I’m pretty sure Becca see’s right through him but probably enjoys the eye candy/ the producers are making her keep him around for a few episodes. David and Jordan get into a competition of wit, which wasn’t much of a competition. Jordan remains naked through the rose ceremony wrapped in a fuzzy pink blanket.

I was distracted by Dougs beautiful spread sheet which might be more beautiful than Jordan. I look up and Becca is crying and I’m not sure why.

Chris R, Jason, John, Clay, Mike, Connor, Leo, David, Garrett, Nick , Ryan, Jordan, Lincoln, Colton got roses for the night

Alex cried. Like, full on ugly cried a little.

Jordan made it through even though I DESPERATELY wanted him to be sent home naked. #missedopportunity

The teams are like this: 

The whole "power-rankings" thing is something I have never really understood. But my general feeling is that the teams who have Lincoln are artificially inflated early on due to his drama. He won't be around for long unless he can mature about 12 years in the next week. I think that Garrett, Blake and Colton will go deep although I have very little evidence to support that at this point. I'd be happy to see your take on the power rankings in the comments :)