Men Tell All.
This “very special edition” is written from my couch in my pajamas hopped up on DayQuil. A very long preview of Bachelor in Paradise makes me wonder how quickly an STD would spread through that beach. DayQuil would not help that.
They start with all the drama that went down. The stars were Jean Blanc, Chris and Jordan (of course). I have very little patience for this silliness so I checked my e-mail. Unfortunately, my hope for Jordan that he would gain some introspection from the play back did not happen. As he said he is “unapologetically himself.”
A surprise appearance by Grocery Store Joe (voted out on night one) was realized due to the Twitter storm that he created. Understandable because I really liked him. If nothing else it earned him a spot on Paradise.
Wills and his rock solid sense of fashion get the spotlight next. He revealed that it sucks to be dumped. Enlightening.
Colton is next in the “hot seat.” His time revolved around Tia and his virginity. Apparently he doesn’t get to go on Paradise?
Jason’s mad kissing skills took the stage next. His was a sad journey because he didn’t see the end coming. He shed some tears. I’m not awarding points for Men Tell All. I guess I could but it wouldn’t make a difference for our league. (If I did, it’s just Colton and Jason who would get points for crying).
Becca graces us with her presence and the guys got some closure. Chris ends the night with a repeat from his choir to sing “sorry”. Nice play.
Bloopers are always the best.
The Dramatic Three Hour Season Finale
“The most emotional Season Finale we have ever seen” Chris Harrison warns… “it’s a real tear jerker”. My cold has passed and I’m now challenging my body with day old King Soopers Sushi.
They are in the Maldives. It looks lovely. She’s in love with two guys (I wonder if she has more empathy for Arie now). Blake has the strongest relationship and their hearts know each other. Garrett has been slower but has lots of sides that could fit into her life.
Becca has amazing water proof mascara in the swimming pool.
Garrett goes first. He seems nervous but not unexpectedly so. I like Becca’s mom. She seems sweet.
Garrett starts crying while he tells her Uncle how he stays strong during tough times. He cries again when he talks with her sister. This time while he is describing how he will protect and love her. It’s really quite sweet.
Blake is next. The love seems more palpable between them. Blake is nervous too “Big Day. Lot of pressure. But I’m excited. I mean I’m nervous. I’m nervous but I’m excited. I am. I’m excited. I’ve wanted to meet them for quite some time now.” Blake stutters.
“you picked two amazing men…” Becca’s sister remarks. I half way expect her to ask for Becca’s leftovers…
Becca’s mom tried to soften a potential blow by saying “you’ll be okay either way”. How did she know? Or did she say this to both men? Becca’s uncle asks if Blake has considered “the bad side” of Becca. The other uncle asks if there is something about Garrett that they should be concerned about. The edit is such that they want us to think that Garrett is going to win.
Somehow Becca’s family see’s Garrett as a “risk” and Blake is more on “her level”
Garrett and Becca go on their last date on a boat. In the middle of conversation they wind up surrounded by playful dolphins swimming around their boat. If Becca could pick a place to die this would be it. Maybe we should have Kelly fly out for a quick counseling sesh to make sure she’s not suicidal. Garrett and Becca wind up on the Equator and jump out for a swim. I was just telling Tom that I want to go to the equator sometime. Now I also want to swim on the equator. With all these water shots ABC should really be advertising this mascara.
The night time portion of the date starts on the couch. Garrett can’t wait to change diapers together (they can repay Kelly for the counseling sesh by changing diapers here in a few months). Becca has concerns that Garrett is a snorer. That is a very valid concern and a potential deal breaker (for me, anyway). Garrett is very sweet and says that all he wants is for her to be happy - even if it’s not him. Garrett reminds Becca of her dad and he feels like home to her. aww…
Blake and Becca ride bikes across the island. This is a Tom Fuller kind of date. They paddle board and swim in the ocean with a turtle. The sit on the beach and talk about how hard this is then make out while the sun sets.
Blake made her a gift “with his bare hands” of his favorite moments and it seems like this seals the deal for her decision.
The next morning Becca opens a letter from her sister that makes me cry. I say she dumps both these guys and just grows old with her sister!
Is Becca wearing heels in the sand?! She IS an amazing woman! Is it weird that the first thing I thought when I saw her dress was “I hope she’s wearing sunscreen” immediately followed by “but then she has to smell like sunscreen while she’s getting proposed to”. Chris Harrison comes back on after the commercial to prepare us for what we are about to see “This is real, this is raw.. I’ve never seen anything like this…” Where is this disclaimer before all the terrifying shit we see on the news?
Blake gets out of the boat first insinuating that he gets sent home. This makes me very sad. I wish she didn’t make him say his speech if she’s just going to let him down. Poor guy is drowning in sweat and tears. Somehow Becca’s makeup stays put (again with the advertising opportunity!). Welp, this is heartbreaking. The upside is I think he’s be a half decent Bachelor if his heart is mended by then.
Becca and Blake had the most amicable conversation between ex’s in the history of the world. This gave me time to do my home workout.
Chris Harrison tries to keep our interest by saying that Becca will be proposed to “but is she ready to say yes”. Spoiler alert by the little Jimmy Kimmel ad in the corner of the TV that says “Tonight Becca and her Fiance’”
Garrett meets Becca on the dock and they say their words and Becca tells him that she loves him so Garrett gives her a gigantic diamond and she gives him a rose.
Becca and Garrett do look happy when they enter the stage with Chris. I didn't know what Social Media drama they were talking about, so I googled it. Can you imagine being the Washington Post reporter who got assigned to this story? She must of rolled her eyes and wondered about what real news was happening. Regardless, here is the article. Chris Harrison gifts the love-birds with a free trip to Thailand and my mom’s old mini-van (with an equality sticker on the back - nice play ABC).
On the After the After the Final Rose with Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy pays up from his bet with Becca earlier in the season - $10 since she is still with her chosen beau. Becca reveals that one of Garretts annoying habits is leaving crumpled paper towels around the house. Perhaps Andrea should consult with them and gift them with some reusable dish towels or something. Kimmel teases Garret about not pronouncing the “l” in butterflies. Then they play a “Fiance My Name” game to see how well they know each other. They did remarkably well. I don’t think I know some of those about Tom!
The Teams ended up like this:
Super Dooper congrats to Julia and Paul for schooling us all! You win a gold star and a high five! A tight race for second place goes to Bri&Doug for choosing the winner Garrett. And the bronze is awarded to Andie&Eric.
Great season, everyone! Enjoy Paradise if you watch it :)
