Synopsis
With “viewing parties going on all over the country," Nick met Andi's family in the Dominican Republic. Andi's dad Hy, a recurring character on the show, expressed surprise that Nick was nervous to meet him. Hy checks in at about 6'5, 250, used to play football, perpetually wears a skeptical scowl, has come off as rather protective during previous appearances, lives in Georgia, has witnessed all the moves while raising two attractive daughters and actually came to the first cocktail party to scout the candidates. So yeah, a few jitters were understandable.
Nick talked to the family over a nice meal and a glass of wine. “They’re actually eating,” Melissa observed. Hy seemed unimpressed but Patti the mom
started crying. Nervous Nick talked to Hy for a while and turned his porcupine
quills into teddy bear fur. Hy gave Nick his blessing to ask Andi to marry him.
Josh met Andi’s family next. Hy immediately started making fun of Josh, joking “He
doesn’t have a prayer." Patti wasn't impressed either. "This loud guy comes in with Andi and he keeps saying how nervous he is and how hot he is...He's just boisterous and kinda, a little chaotic," she said. Rachel and her husband questioned Josh about going five years without dating anyone and again he gave a mysterious answer, or his answer was edited to appear mysterious. "I do think he's taking it seriously...at least I hope he's taking it seriously," Rachel said.
Next Josh talked to Hy. Hy said Josh had a reputation of being a jock. Hy referred to Josh having “started a career” but what that
career is remained a mystery. Then Hy gave him his blessing. Hy looked pretty menacing but softened over time and started
cracking jokes. “Maybe Hy should host The Bachelor,” Bag said.
Josh and Andi got on a boat. They kissed and talked. Most of
the discussion was about how much Josh loved Andi. We speculated about how
excruciating it was gonna be for him when Andi picked Nick.
“Wouldn’t it be stressful to have two people about to
propose to you?” Bag asked rhetorically.
Josh just kept talking about how strong his feelings were
for Andi, how confident he felt about their relationship and how little fear he
had going forward. “I have no thoughts,” he eventually summarized. Then he gave
her a baseball card with her on it. Everyone was impressed but I reminded them
Nick wrote her a cute storybook. “That was last week,” Bag said. “What have you
done for me lately?” They kissed and smiled more. “I just don’t know,” Andrea
said.
During the commercial break, Bag brought up AMC Flatirons
and Melissa started talking about Cinebarre coming to Boulder. When it was finally done fastforwarding,
Andi met Nick on a Dominican beach. They got in a Jeep. Nick drove. Bailey
finally broke through and forced his way onto the couch. Andi and Nick had a
picnic next to a lagoon. They had an actual conversation instead of just
repeating how much they liked each other and how amazing they felt.
Nervous Nick made a rambling toast he admitted was terrible
before delving into some legit relationship talk. He talked about how scared he
was and needed to be reassured. Andi said “it’s gonna be alright,” which is the
same name of this awesome Ween song about a devastating breakup. But somehow
Nick walked away more confident than ever, saying she “gave all the right
signs.”
“Nick is basically everything I’ve been looking for in a man,”
Andi told the cameras.
Chris Harrison asked the crowd how they felt about Nick and
they screamed and clapped. Chris asked the crowd how they felt about Josh and
they screamed and clapped. “Josh’s fans are just loud,” Melissa remarked.
During a piano & strings highlights montage, Andi said
some unconvincing stuff about Josh and summarized her feelings for Nick as
“passionate.” Nick said a bunch of stuff that would end up being extremely
heartbreaking if he lost. I didn’t write it down but planned to come back to
write it down if he did lose.
[EDIT]
Nick said
- "My gut tells me I'm gonna do what is in my heart, and propose to Andi. My gut tells me she's gonna say yes," (with a huge joyful smile).
- "It certainly will be a day I'll never forget."
- "She continues to give me no reason to think it's not me."
A ring salesman paid Josh a visit. They made it seem like he
was headed to Nick’s place next, but then there was a breathtaking twist – the
knock on Nick’s door was Andi, not the ring salesman. It was the closest thing
to suspense I’ve seen on the show.
They maxxed out the guillotine drama by interviewing the farmer guy, Clare, and Drew (who A to Z sat next to at Lotus of Siam). Then they
pretended to announce who the new Bachelor was gonna be, but then mined that
for more suspense by saying he would be named later and went back to commercial.
While some terrifying, sparse Trent Reznor wind/music played, Andi began an unhappy speech to Nick. "I can't go through with something that I don't think is right," she said. "The feeling is not right." She said the long-term potential was not what it needed to be. She was worried about clashing with Nick's intense and overanalyzing personality, noting that she had one as well.
“You’re gonna regret this, dear,” Andrea said.
Nick questioned Andi's previous behavior which appeared to reinforce feelings for him. "Is this more about us, or about someone else?" he asked. Andi said nothing but made some body language that suggested "I think so, I think the other guy's better but I'm not 100% sure, but I'm not allowed to talk about that yet because it would give away to the audience how I feel about Josh."
Andi basically stopped talking and just looked down sadly and gripped the bridge of her nose. Then she left, walking out into a rainy hotel parking lot. “Good. I’m glad it’s raining,” Andrea said.
There was a shot of Nick pulling out all the roses he’d saved from the season from a backpack pocket, then throwing them into a
hotel garbage can. Then he got into a hearse-like black SUV and shook his head sadly. He expressed how confident he'd been and started crying. "I really thought she loved me," he said, and noted how sad he was to be missing the part where he and Andi built a family.
"Wow...Nick was absolutely blindsided - definitely didn't see that coming - he CLEARLY had his heart broken by Andi!" Chris Harrison said somberly but excitedly, Caesar Flickerman style.
During the epic commercial break after (even with 3x fast forwarding), Andrea talked about how safe picking Josh was for Andi and why she
chose safety over realness in that scenario.
Josh arrived at a resort where Andi was waiting on a pond/beach. Bag noticed he had both buttons of his suit jacket buttoned.
Josh began an enthusiastic, meandering proposal by talking about his baseball
career. Andi’s response included words like “challenge”, “scared”, and
“struggle” before suddenly turning it on its head, saying she loved Josh from
the "moment I laid eyes on you", that it was always him, that she was "madly in love" with him, that
she wanted to have babies with him and so on.
“Let’s talk to her after football season,” Andrea said.
Josh dropped to one knee and asked her to marry him. She
said yes and gave him the final rose.
“So we won?” Andrea asked. It was confirmed. “I love you,” Andrea said to Zack in a 25% acted Bachelor(ette) cast member style. “I love you so much. I’m
sweating."
Andi and Josh kissed a bunch and laughed and joked and whispered and talked. She jumped into his arms and he carried her off into the sunset.
After the Final Rose
There was a painful vignette that showed Nick wistfully
looking at the Milwaukee and Kinnickinic rivers a number of times, followed by video of Nick coming
to the Men Tell All taping hoping to see Andi. She refused to see him so Nick
gave her a letter he’d written instead. “I’m hoping this could be the start of
something,” Nick said. “Don’t make those Gondolier reservations just yet,” Bag
said. “Does she really want to marry that Neanderthal?” he asked.
Nick came onto the set on the verge of tears. There was a
subtle Trent Reznor air-blow sound as Nick talked about how devastated he was
while managing to give Josh credit for being “a great guy” and “having a huge
heart.”
“I guess it’s just…what it is,” Andrea summarized and then we giggled about that for a minute.
They thought that emotional interview with Nick where he teared up was a good segue for the
“Clorox Most Bleachable Moment” which turned out to be the awkward silence after the guys dissed Nick right before he walked into the room.
Andi came on and talked to Nick. He kept referring to the
letter he wrote her, which of course nobody watching had read. He stammered
through some more stuff while Andi sat silently. Chris Harrison asked Andi if
she loved Nick at any point and she quickly said no, that she liked Nick and
all but she was in “a greater relationship” with the man she loved, Josh. Then
Nick dropped a monster bombshell, asking Andi why she made love with him if she
didn’t love him (and did love Josh).
They thought that emotional powder keg was a good segue into another
Bachelor in Paradise trailer. “When does Hard Knocks start?” Melissa asked. I raised my eyebrows intently.
Josh came on and talked about eating steak dinners with Andi
and playing golf with Hy while Nick fashioned a noose backstage. Then they brought
a frowny-face cat on stage while I contemplated and decided against making more Nick suicide jokes.
Final Standings
Andrea & Zack: 43 points
Josh M: 38
Eric: 0
Marquel: 5
A to Z played to win, drafting three risky high-upside players. It paid off. Thanks to the cryptic edit, it's still hard to tell exactly who Josh M was and what he really does. But we do know Andi liked him the best of all the guys - loved him, in fact - and ultimately it wasn't really all that close.
Melissa & Tom: 39.5 points
Nick V: 30.5
Nick S: .5
JJ: 8.5
Growing up, I was into girls like Andi. Beautiful girls with the social intelligence to make a nerd like me feel comfortable. Sometimes these girls liked me too, just not as much as whatever Jock they were into at the time. I'm not comparing myself to Nick, but this may be why I felt so bad for him.
Of course, a truer edit probably would have been far less stomach-churning. In an undoctored edit, Josh and Andi's chemistry is more evident, he's more Solid Southerner than Potential Douche and it's not a surprise for her to choose him. It seems Josh was always The Guy and the edit bent over backwards to make it appear otherwise. Personally I think it was taken way too far - why not present it as a two-horse race between The Jock and The Nerd? Of course, maybe it was a two-horse race - maybe, even, it came down to those fateful nights in the Fantasy Suite.
Kelly & Phil: 39 points
1. Marcus: 20
2. Brian: 11.5
3. Andrew: 4.5
+3 team bonus
Why did Andi have sex with Nick if it was "always" Josh? Nick's revelation - a revelation which came after he tried about twelve times to get an answer for it without explicitly stating it - begs a ton of questions. Did Nick have any chance at toppling Josh? Was Fantasy Suite performance a factor in Andi's decision? Did she tell Josh she had sex with Nick the night before (presumably) having sex with Josh for the first time?
Bri & Doug: 30 points
1. Chris: 23
2. Patrick: 5
3. Ron: 2
The characters of The Bachelor(ette) are suspended between acting and reality. Especially the Bachelor(ette), him/her self. Andi proved to be a stronger actress than Juan Pablo or Desirae, but not that much. Andi's final episode crushed her previously healthy reputation. She had sex with a man other than her fiance' just a few days before getting engaged. It is hard to argue around that fact.
Andie & Eric: 13 points
1. Dylan: 9
2. Tasos: 1.5
3. Craig: .5
Still no Bachelor revealed. You have to wonder if they are
a) holding off to reveal on and charge up ratings for Bachelor in Paradise
b) holding off to let Nick recover before making him The Bachelor
c) holding off because they don't like any of their options and they're still casting
I'm hoping it's c) but camera edits hinted strongly at it being the farmer guy. I will not be fired up for a farmer guy Bachelor season.
Dregs: 9.5 points
Bradley: 2
Brett: 2
Carl: .5
Cody: 5
The plan is to take a look at the premiere of Bachelor in Paradise, assess it for gambling purposes, and consider how to create a pool with it.
