Season Finale

Men Tell All.

This “very special edition” is written from my couch in my pajamas hopped up on DayQuil. A very long preview of Bachelor in Paradise makes me wonder how quickly an STD would spread through that beach. DayQuil would not help that. 

They start with all the drama that went down. The stars were Jean Blanc, Chris and Jordan (of course). I have very little patience for this silliness so I checked my e-mail. Unfortunately, my hope for Jordan that he would gain some introspection from the play back did not happen. As he said he is “unapologetically himself.” 

A surprise appearance by Grocery Store Joe (voted out on night one) was realized due to the Twitter storm that he created. Understandable because I really liked him. If nothing else it earned him a spot on Paradise. 

Wills and his rock solid sense of fashion get the spotlight next. He revealed that it sucks to be dumped. Enlightening. 

Colton is next in the “hot seat.” His time revolved around Tia and his virginity. Apparently he doesn’t get to go on Paradise? 

Jason’s mad kissing skills took the stage next. His was a sad journey because he didn’t see the end coming. He shed some tears. I’m not awarding points for Men Tell All. I guess I could but it wouldn’t make a difference for our league. (If I did, it’s just Colton and Jason who would get points for crying). 

Becca graces us with her presence and the guys got some closure. Chris ends the night with a repeat from his choir to sing “sorry”. Nice play. 

Bloopers are always the best. 

The Dramatic Three Hour Season Finale

 “The most emotional Season Finale we have ever seen” Chris Harrison warns… “it’s a real tear jerker”. My cold has passed and I’m now challenging my body with day old King Soopers Sushi.

They are in the Maldives. It looks lovely. She’s in love with two guys (I wonder if she has more empathy for Arie now). Blake has the strongest relationship and their hearts know each other. Garrett has been slower but has lots of sides that could fit into her life.

Becca has amazing water proof mascara in the swimming pool.

Garrett goes first. He seems nervous but not unexpectedly so.  I like Becca’s mom. She seems sweet.

Garrett starts crying while he tells her Uncle how he stays strong during tough times. He cries again when he talks with her sister. This time while he is describing how he will protect and love her. It’s really quite sweet. 

Blake is next. The love seems more palpable between them. Blake is nervous too “Big Day. Lot of pressure. But I’m excited. I mean I’m nervous. I’m nervous but I’m excited. I am. I’m excited. I’ve wanted to meet them for quite some time now.” Blake stutters.

“you picked two amazing men…” Becca’s sister remarks. I half way expect her to ask for Becca’s leftovers…

Becca’s mom tried to soften a potential blow by saying “you’ll be okay either way”.  How did she know? Or did she say this to both men? Becca’s uncle asks if Blake has considered “the bad side” of Becca. The other uncle asks if there is something about Garrett that they should be concerned about.  The edit is such that they want us to think that Garrett is going to win. 

Somehow Becca’s family see’s Garrett as a “risk” and Blake is more on “her level”

Garrett and Becca go on their last date on a boat. In the middle of conversation they wind up surrounded by playful dolphins swimming around their boat. If Becca could pick a place to die this would be it. Maybe we should have Kelly fly out for a quick counseling sesh to make sure she’s not suicidal. Garrett and Becca wind up on the Equator and jump out for a swim. I was just telling Tom that I want to go to the equator sometime. Now I also want to swim on the equator. With all these water shots ABC should really be advertising this mascara. 

The night time portion of the date starts on the couch. Garrett can’t wait to change diapers together (they can repay Kelly for the counseling sesh by changing diapers here in a few months). Becca has concerns that Garrett is a snorer. That is a very valid concern and a potential deal breaker (for me, anyway). Garrett is very sweet and says that all he wants is for her to be happy - even if it’s not him. Garrett reminds Becca of her dad and he feels like home to her. aww…

Blake and Becca ride bikes across the island. This is a Tom Fuller kind of date. They paddle board and swim in the ocean with a turtle. The sit on the beach and talk about how hard this is then make out while the sun sets.

Blake made her a gift “with his bare hands” of his favorite moments and it seems like this seals the deal for her decision. 

The next morning Becca opens a letter from her sister that makes me cry. I say she dumps both these guys and just grows old with her sister!

Is Becca wearing heels in the sand?! She IS an amazing woman! Is it weird that the first thing I thought when I saw her dress was “I hope she’s wearing sunscreen” immediately followed by “but then she has to smell like sunscreen while she’s getting proposed to”. Chris Harrison comes back on after the commercial to prepare us for what we are about to see “This is real, this is raw.. I’ve never seen anything like this…” Where is this disclaimer before all the terrifying shit we see on the news?

Blake gets out of the boat first insinuating that he gets sent home. This makes me very sad. I wish she didn’t make him say his speech if she’s just going to let him down. Poor guy is drowning in sweat and tears. Somehow Becca’s makeup stays put (again with the advertising opportunity!). Welp, this is heartbreaking. The upside is I think he’s be a half decent Bachelor if his heart is mended by then. 

Becca and Blake had the most amicable conversation between ex’s in the history of the world. This gave me time to do my home workout.

Chris Harrison tries to keep our interest by saying that Becca will be proposed to “but is she ready to say yes”. Spoiler alert by the little Jimmy Kimmel ad in the corner of the TV that says “Tonight Becca and her Fiance’” 

Garrett meets Becca on the dock and they say their words and Becca tells him that she loves him so Garrett gives her a gigantic diamond and she gives him a rose. 

Becca and Garrett do look happy when they enter the stage with Chris. I didn't know what Social Media drama they were talking about, so I googled it. Can you imagine being the Washington Post reporter who got assigned to this story? She must of rolled her eyes and wondered about what real news was happening. Regardless, here is the article. Chris Harrison gifts the love-birds with a free trip to Thailand and my mom’s old mini-van (with an equality sticker on the back - nice play ABC).

On the After the After the Final Rose with Jimmy Kimmel 

Jimmy pays up from his bet with Becca earlier in the season - $10 since she is still with her chosen beau. Becca reveals that one of Garretts annoying habits is leaving crumpled paper towels around the house. Perhaps Andrea should consult with them and gift them with some reusable dish towels or something. Kimmel teases Garret about not pronouncing the “l” in butterflies. Then they play a “Fiance My Name” game to see how well they know each other. They did remarkably well. I don’t think I know some of those about Tom! 

The Teams ended up like this: 

Super Dooper congrats to Julia and Paul for schooling us all! You win a gold star and a high five! A tight race for second place goes to Bri&Doug for choosing the winner Garrett. And the bronze is awarded to Andie&Eric.

Great season, everyone! Enjoy Paradise if you watch it :) 

Episode 9 - Fantasy Suite

Chiang Mai, Thailand is the most romantic place Becca has ever been. On the couch eating pizza with Tom is the most romantic place I have been. We're basically living the same life, her and I. 

Becca goes through role call: 

Garrett blows her away. She is in love with him but wonders if he can last a life time.

Jason and her have an “off the charts” connection and she is falling in love with him too. 

Blake makes her feel 100% herself. She sees the future with him and can’t imagine life without him. She is obviously in love with him. I smell a winner...

Blake gets the first date. They go hiking on a sacred hike where they can’t kiss or touch. It takes them awhile to get going for that reason. They gotta get all the smooches out. “There is something so old and cultural about interacting with a monk” Becca remarks. This makes Tom chuckle. They get marriage advice from a monk and they ring the love bell while noticeably trying to not touch each other. They hustle back to the entrance threshold where they won’t be smited by whatever prude spirits inhabit that Thai hiking trail. 

They eat dinner in a thunderstorm and bare their souls. Tom is smitten with Blake after his love speech. “This guy does some real talk” Tom says. Becca, in her own way, reveals that she is in love with two men. Tom thinks Becca should set her requirements a little higher since she says she only requires that a man just needs to stick around. This doesn’t seem that tough. 

The super nerves set in (Tom narrates) as they walk into the gigantic hotel room with the gigantic bed. We debate if Blake has something in his pocket or if…

They for sure did it. Which makes Blake scared to the point of tears the morning after (+1 pt). He's really got it bad.

Jason gets the next date and I announce that I want chocolate fudge ice cream. We don’t have any. They go to the Sunday Market to explore. There is no chocolate fudge ice-cream there either. Tom and my mouth start to water when we see the fried crickets that Jason and Becca eat- taking us back to the fried scorpions we ate in China. I am no longer thinking about chocolate fudge ice cream. 

Becca makes a comment about the future to Jason and she immediately regrets it. “I just feel weird” Becca says. Tom suggests she examines what she ate at the market before she makes any rash decisions in her relationship with Jason. But she can’t shake the feeling.

Tom is not as impressed with Jason’s declaration of love speech over dinner. We brace ourselves for the end. Becca excuses herself to rehearse the let down. It doesn’t take long for Jason to realize his moments are numbered. He seems sad. ( I awarded 1 on 1 points and -3 for getting the premature boot).

Garrett is up for round 3 for a “very fun day” to “do what the locals do.” I was anticipating something touristy and silly but it was, in fact, an accurate statement. Presumably all of Thailand was on this river to celebrate their national holiday. It appears they handled it in stride as they bumper-car’ed their way down this lazy river. It couldn’t have been too bad since they decided as a couple that they are moving to Thailand. That night they wind up on couch cushions on the lawn to have their heart to heart conversation. Garrett finally tells her that he loves her and that he hopes she’s the last woman he gets to say that to. They get to spend the night in a tree house which makes me a little jealous. 

The first shot of them the next morning is in bed. Becca might be naked. I can’t tell because our DVR recording is messed up from the weather we had last night. Garrett feels like he’s floating when he’s with her. That sounds trippy. The morning after interview with Becca reveals that in Garrett she see’s her hearts equal… “there’s something so special about him.” Phew - I do not envy Becca right now. Both of these guys seem legit. 

Tom says he wants to see more jealousy and then Jason reappears! (I knew something fishy was going to happen - there’s still a good 20 min left!) As they talk he nearly sheds a tear. Tom thinks he might score points from the grave. He gives her an album of their love story (I presume). However, no official tears were shed so no points were awarded. Julia and Paul don’t need any more points anyway…

Chris Harrison greats the guys before the rose ceremony. It feels a little bit like a coach hyping the team up before the game except the dudes don’t know that Jason got the kibosh and they’re a shoo-in. 

I awarded Garrett a point for tears during his post-rose interview since I could see wetness below his eyes.

The episode ended on a comical editing note of Blake needing to pee cut with panning to all the various fountains that surround them .Finally he is granted permission and he scampers into the trees. Unfortunately you-tube has disappointed me by not having this clip available. 

Next week: The Men Tell All Show.

The Teams look like this:

As predicted in the beginning (and by our draft order) it is coming down to Garrett and Blake. Julia and Paul are done scoring points but they are no doubt the winners (not forgetting their +3 pt bonus for last team standing). 9 points are predicted for the first place finisher and 6 points are predicted for the second place making it a tight race between Bri and Doug and Kelly and Phil for the coveted second place finish. Good luck, you guys!

Episode 8

Bri and Doug were patient enough to wait for me after a hectic day. How bad is Denver rush hour?!? I have renewed empathy for all of you who deal with this daily.

Anyway, Becca meets Garrett in a vineyard somewhere in California. Bri and I are jealous that he got to grow up in a vineyard. His family owns an “agricultural business”. These used to be called “farms”. Garrett shows Becca how to mass-plant a field of tomatoes and they make-out in the tractor. Next they plant a rose bush and drink an unknown substance under a tree. They talked more about his divorce and I ate more of my pad thai that Tom made.

They head into town and meet Garrett’s very large family. Bri notes that his sister-in-laws eyeshadow is intense. Garrett gets a talking to from his big sister. She cries because she loves him and doesn’t want him to get hurt again. His dad says the same thing to Becca. Apparently they don’t want him to move on? Garrett’s mom is described as a mama bear which appears to be true and officially terrifies Bri.

Bri doesn’t see how she couldn’t pick Garrett at this point. For the sake of my team and his heart, I hope she is right.

Doug treats us right and tops our wine off.

Next is Jason in Buffalo NY. He looks very New York/Mafia as he talks about “what a special place this is.” They immediately participate in a wing eating contest. That’s a tough first stop. She doesn’t force it though. Next to a hockey rink so he can show off. He was “born with skates on his feet” which sounds incredibly painful for his poor mother. They sit and talk/kiss on the bleachers while the zamboni does its thing. Then they move to the hood of the zamboni and I feel awkward for the driver.

They move on to meet the folks (mom, dad, bro and bro-in-law). Immediately Jason’s dad takes his son away for a talk. He is less God-fathery than expected. Jason’s mom breaks the news to Jason that she’s not going to pick him. I’m not sure he heard it tho. He tells her he loves her. Poor guy…

Next I see deer butts so I assume they are in Bailey, CO. It’s snowing quite hard which makes me glad that they world is seeing CO this way. They meet under a quaint little covered bridge. They go to Platte Canyon high school. I was fearful they would talk about the school shooting and he did. This makes me sad because CO also has an unfortunate reputation for mass/school shootings. His mom was the one to announce it over the intercom. Fucking Terrifying. They have one more stop and we are hoping it’s the hot dog stand. It’s not. Instead they go into a crowded gymnasium and everyone cheers while someone sings on stage that happens to be Becca’s favorite singer.

Before they step inside to meet the family they have another quiz on names. Bri notes that his family has already been boozing and the food is getting cold. Blakes mom’s hair is “something” - per Bri. Bri remembers that Blakes mom cheated on his dad and wound up with his coach and teacher which gave us a chuckle as we see the faces.

Moving from deer to antelope we arrive in Parker CO, Colton’s hometown. We deduce that it’s Spring in CO based on the weather and the blossoms. First stop is the Children’s Hospital to deliver gifts to the cutest kids in the world. Smart move on Coltons part - seeing him with kids was pretty heart-melting. They sit on a bench and discuss their relationship. I can’t imagine things ending well for him in the long run.

Next stop is the family. They seem nice. Colton says he and his dad have a coach/player type of relationship. He looks more like a coach than the actual coach at Blake’s house. Bri thinks his dad seems like a douche. His dad tells Becca to let him go now if she thinks its not going that way. Colton discusses his virgin status with his mom, which felt weird, and he confesses that he’s in love with Becca. Doug says she looks like a football players mom, “she’s not a petite lady,” Bri adds. Doug is obviously uncomfortable by the conversation Colton had with his mom.

Back in LA, Becca waffles about her decision tonight and consults her Bachelorette girl-friends. They decide that since Jason is “the best kisser in the world” he must go on fantasy suites. IN THE MIDDLE of her story about Colton, Tia pulls her aside and reveals that she still has feelings for him. That’s awkward.

There is a very awkward conversation with Chris and Colton where he basically asks  for permission to not have sex with Becca in the fantasy suite. Becca is fighting back tears as she gives her little “pre-speech” and Blake, Jason and Garrett get roses. Sending poor Colton and his virgin self home. The rest of the guys head to Thailand.

The Teams look like this:

Andie and Eric are the first out of the game but locking up what may be a solid second place finish. Impressive choosing everyone! We got down to the final 4 with everyone still with a contestant! That’s not to say that all of our teams are alive… Julia and Paul are the obvious winners leaving me at least 50 points in the dust!! Ouch!

Episode 7

My version of the Bachelorette starts with an ABC Special Report regarding Trump's Supreme Court nominee. Spoiler alert: he chooses Brett Kavanaugh who is young and will probably live forever.

Despite the 20 minute delay we are still starting from the very beginning. They are in the Bahamas. Seems lovely. Becca says she’s falling in love with a couple of guys and she already is starting to contemplate polygamy (my own presumption).

All the dudes realize this is a “huge week”. Colton gets the first 1 on 1 time even though he’s the “underdog” per the dudes in the house. They hop on a catamaran and Becca oogles his body. Colton almost gets up the nerve to tell Becca that he’s a virgin until they are interrupted by a Rastaman who invites them diving for conch - which of course lead to lots of cock jokes. Also, FYI conch is an aphrodisiac. So you know, if you have extra conch lying around…

Back to the hotel they find a small table in a large room where Colton finds the time and courage to share that he is a virgin (+2pts!). Becca excuses herself which can’t feel good for Colton and stands on the balcony for what seems like an eternity. Eventually she comes back to ask more questions. She’s ‘not judging’ but she looks disappointed. She still gives him the rose guaranteeing him a spot on the hometown dates.

The next date goes to Garrett sending Blake into a tailspin. No pun intended as Becca and Garrett hop onto a sea plane. They go to a beach and make out a lot. Becca tries to get Garrett to go deeper emotionally. She seems satisfied and they’re all giddy and cutesy as he says he’s falling in love with her. Obviously he gets the rose. Then they run into the ocean and make out (etc?) for a while.

Blake gets his coveted 1 on 1 and that brings him to questionable tears (no points awarded). Blake and Becca listen to the new song by the Baha Men on the beach. Fun story: I opened for the Baha Men at Fiddlers Green once. Like, the super dooper opener before anyone is actually there and doesn’t get any promo. But still. The A-Teens also played. Pre-teen HEAVEN!

Anyway, Becca and Blake get straight to the point and talk about feelings on the beach. For some reason Blake is surprised that Becca has feelings for other dudes here. They go to dinner and talk some more. I don’t like that Blake buttons the top button on his shirts. It makes me uncomfortable so it sure as heck can’t be comfortable for him. Blake’s family sounds like a soap opera! His mom had an affair with his basketball coach in their small town?! Next week on This Is Us… Blake drops the first “I am in love with you” earning him a shiny 2 points. Becca’s heart might burst (as a nurse, I feel this is not a good thing). Obviously he gets the date rose. Becca tears up as she talks to the camera about him stating “my heart just recognizes his." She tells the camera that she loves him too and sees a forever with him. She has some very hard decisions to make...

The group date is the leftovers: Leo, Jason and Wills. Leo puts his man bun on top of his head proving me wrong about my statement last week that he looks better with a man bun. They play beach volleyball. Tom would very much enjoy this date but might be too distracted by the volleyball to participate in the date portion of the day. Wills gets the first alone time. His parents are about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary! Congrats Mr. and Mrs. Wills! I’m always surprised at the chemistry that Wills and Becca seem to have - he seems so dull...

Jason is next. He lets his positive attitude shine bright.

Leo seems to think that the other guys can offer her a nice house and and a nice lifestyle. He can offer her love. Why can’t she have both a nice lifestyle and love?! They didn’t do a very good job with Leo’s mic - there are lots of distracting ocean noises. Leo confesses that he’s not ready to propose. WHICH IS COMPLETELY REASONABLE. They’ve only known each other for 8 weeks!! Becca gets straight to the point and lets him go (-3pts).

Due to the ABC special report my DVR cut off the last little bit. But the internet saved the day and I watched the little clip on ABC.com to see Wills get sent home. There was also a comical mishap with shadows and the camera crew (not sure if that made it onto mainstream TV). Becca gives Wills a lengthy and thorough explanation and then sends him on his way allowing Jason to bring Becca to his hometown next week.

The Teams look like This:

Julia and Paul are still crushing it with 3 contestants going to hometowns. My hunch is that Jason will get sent home next week, but I have no hard evidence to back that up. I am grateful that Leo was sent home early to cost the Dreg team a few points. I was fearful that I would lose to the Dregs. Blake is looking good right now. Assuming he avoids catastrophie A&Z and Kelly & Phil should rack up some nice points from him.

Episode 6

Back at Bri and Doug’s house for another episode of the Bach! Did I not post a blog last week? I swear I wrote one... It was good too. Like so funny you couldn't even believe. No, that's a joke. But it's gone - my apologies. 

Becca takes the men to Virginia for some reason and she notes that Richmond is the opposite from Vegas: Fresh, clean air with a calm and chill environment. #Truth. Chris Harrison and Becca sip coffee at a coffee shop and dish about how Becca is starting to rip out pages of bridal magazines. Like, OMG!

Jason gets the 1 on 1. He says he is living well above cloud 9… so is that like, cloud 10? 11? He has been waiting 6 weeks for this. I can relate. 6 weeks is a really long time to go without a date with your partner (eh hem, Tom)...

Bri offers her disdain for contestant Chris (not Chris Harrison) while Chris and Lincoln get bitchy with each other and start accusing one another of body shaming. Doug claims Lincoln’s muscles are “vanity muscles” and wouldn’t be useful in a fight against Chris. I think that even though he is incredibly uncoordinated he would just need one good swing. Either way they appear to be setting up the next feud for a potential 2 on 1.

Becca and Jason get on a street car with Champagne flutes. Doug inquires about the appropriate liquor license to make that legal. They wind up at a cemetary to look at old graves that Jason seems to be impressed by. I didn’t catch who’s it was although I’m not sure it would have mattered. They make a GIGANTIC donut at Sugar Shack Donuts. Then they mosey on to the Poe Museum. Somehow they have fun there. Next they are greeted by goths in a courtyard. Becca surprises Jason with some of his friends. I think is a brilliant and lovely gesture. This way she get get a sense of his true nature and get the dirt right upfront :) . It appear things went quite well. His friends remind her of her friends and all that. Doug feels he is over indexing based on his draft order.

Bri wonders if Julia and Paul have a Bachelor bookie. They’re team is looking so good with Jason’s surge!

It is snowing in Richmond which feels weird since it was almost 100 degrees today. They walk into a very large room with a very small empty table in the center. Marsha (Bri’s mom) likes their attempt at minimalism. Becca and Jason have their mandatory heart to hearts for the evening at the empty table. It goes over well. He gets a rose.

The group date will consist of Colton, Garrett, Wills, Connor, Blake, Lincoln and Chris. Chris realizes this is “do or die” and his back is against the wall. Bri routes for his demise.

They go to the capitol where George Washington and Abe Lincoln are standing there in the flesh and give them a tour!! This is what Richmond has to offer. Old dead people who give you tours. They participate in a “Becca-lection” and they debate for Becca’s love. Some of them look like legit politicians. Connor specifically has politician hair (a coif, per Connor and Bri). The actual governor is there. I’m glad he’s utilizing his tax dollars on such official business. Lincoln throws a verbal dagger at Chris starting a smear campaign in this bogus debate. Becca is not impressed. We all vote that they should both go home.

Next they go to this creepy mansion where Lincoln steals the first alone time with Becca. Bri notes how utterly thrilled Becca looks to be spending time with him. Then the producers made Chris interrupt their alone time. At least I can only assume it was the producers. Hopefully Chris isn’t that stupid. Hard to say. Becca tries to tease out the drama when she already knows that neither Chris or Lincoln are going deep. She cries and Garrett is sympathetic. More drama ensues. I’m bored with it so I fix the points. Thanks, Paul, for pointing out the errors! They should be correct now. :)

Wills just discovered he has emotions. Colton gets the rose even though Garrett seemed to save the day (come on, man! I need the points!!).

Leo, the only person home besides Jason, obviously gets the 1 on 1. Becca wakes up exhausted setting Leo up for failure. They climb into a teeny tiny airplane dubbed a “motorcycle for the sky” by Doug. They fly over the Chesapeake Bay but all Becca is thinking about it last night. Leo suggests they do nothing instead of “faking having fun” which sounds like a great idea to me. Leo seems surprisingly cool for a dreg #missedopportunity . He’s aware that he looks like a caricature and a guy who probably wouldn’t want to settle down, but he does. He seems genuine. Also his hair looks much better in a man bun. They go oyster shucking in what we only assume is a stocked pond. They just eat them straight away. Except they don’t come with cocktail sauce or the cute little forks.

During the commercial break Bri, Doug and I discussed the importance of eating humanely raised meat and potentially splitting a half of cow in the future if anyone wants in…

Leo and Becca go to another very large room with a small table. Doug notes that the empty room that Jason got was bigger. Leo reveals his daddy issues in their heart to heart time. Bri is nervous because the music is not suggesting a good outcome for this conversation. However, happier music starts playing and he gets a rose. They walk into a cheering room where an unknown country music artist is playing. They dance while fan-girls video them on their phones.

They pan back to the house where some boys are bad mouthing Chris while Chris is writing in his diary alone in his room. Eerie music plays. There is dramatic lighting while Chris puts his watch on. He expresses his concern for Lincoln’s cholesterol level as he walks to Becca’s hotel room (+2 points!). Becca must have just gotten home from her date because she is still in her fancy dress and maybe even heels. What the hell kind of woman doesn’t kick those things off as soon as she walks in the door? Anyway, they sit on the couch and Chris lays out his case. He gives her the death stare as she makes her decision to send him home (- 3 points).

The group of guys is noticeably smaller. Wills has amazingly little expression in his voice. Chris appears and the men automatically know there is no cocktail party. They instantly start sweating. But Becca gets to drive up in the most bad ass car in a gorgeous dress

Garrett, Blake and Wills got roses sending Lincoln, Connor and Conner’s Coif home just before the first international trip to the Bahammas.

The Teams look like this:

We're down to 6 dudes already! Which means with just one point on the dreg Leo, I am hosed. Paulia is the obvious pick to win the thing. Given Jasons late-season surge, I don't think that Andi&Eric will be catching up anytime soon. GG, y'all.

Episode 4

The episode starts with Blake and Becca pick out kids names. Overall not bad choices, IMO.

David is released from the hospital from his presumed head bleed and facial fractures and his “near death” tumble from the top bunk. I absolutely think it’s hilarious, but in my ICU we have a patient who fell out of bed and is now a quadriplegic, so I guess it’s no laughing matter…

Jordan has zero compassion for David (shocking, I know). He compares David to a Picasso and is certain that he will demolish him since he still has his devilish good looks. Jordan is underestimating the sympathy points from Becca who immediately rewards his return with a rose.

Jordan lets loose by not wearing a tie with a shirt that has an angled collar. He’s showing her he “could go either way right now”. Jordan nicknames himself “captain underpants” after Becca gifted him with shiny gold boxer shorts in memory of his catastrophic waltz through the cocktail party naked last week.

The show gets interrupted on DVR for the “severe thunderstorm warning” that was in effect for golf ball sized hail at my house. They were correct.This information would have been helpful if I had watched it in real time...

Golf ball sized hail on Owl Dr.

This brings us to the first rose ceremony where Jason, Nick- who wears a fucking tracksuit and still gets a rose (and got shockingly little attention for it), Wills, Christon, Leo, Lincoln, Blake, Garrett, John, Connor, Jordan (wtf?!), and Jean Blanc get roses.

Sending ponytail (Mike) and tall guy (Ryan?) home.

On to Park City Utah.

Garrett gets the 1 on 1 and they go shopping (every mans dream date).  Becca gets so giddy with Garrett, it’s cute. She is drawn to the fact that he is good at eye contact. I get that, that's one thing that I liked about Tom on our first date (<3). They take a chair lift to the top of a mountain to go bobsledding. I’m pretty envious. Garrett revealed that he is divorced. The glass shattered a little for Becca, but obviously she still gave him a rose.

Lincoln reveals he is a flat-earther. Leo rightfully questions his sanity. Maybe they don’t teach science in Nigeria? Or maybe he skipped that day of school?  I vote you get negative points if your contestant is a flat-earther. What is this, 1750?!

It appears Becca is fighting a cold but she pushes on with a group date with: Jordan, Chris, Blake, Nick, John, Lincoln, Leo, David, Connor, Christon, Jason, and Colton.

Becca and I like lumberjacks. She outfits the men in our version of porn - plaid shirts and suspenders. “It’s not about the size of the ax, it’s how you swing it” Jean Blanc explains. Which I’m sure was intended to be more of an innuendo than an accurate statement. I really want to try the ax throwing. Becca seems incredibly good at it. Although this seems dangerous for this accident prone group of guys. The group date trophy goes to John because he climbed a pole really well.

Becca continues my dream date by going to a distillery. Damn this is a cool.

Jordan drops his drawers to show off his incredibly shiny tight gold shorts that she gave him. The boys drop a “right reasons” and stir the pot.

Mike Nelson-the-weather-guy is back for about the 8th time and made a nice joke about being too old for Becca.

Shocker - Jean Blanc gave Becca a fragrance. It was named after her except with her last name hyphenated with his. Bold move. She’s not feeling it. Even though he drops the first “I’m falling in love with you” of the season. She stares at him awkwardly for a moment before … the satellite connection fails with this epic storm. But apparently Jean took it back. And it appears she sent him home. (I gave him the points for the “I Love You”, if anyone disagrees feel free to comment).

All she wants is a man who know what he wants (cough, thanks Arie). Now the dudes are on edge, especially Wills who gets the next 1 on 1.

Becca and Wills go snowmobiling. Wills seems like a sweet guy. His gentle nature seemed to change her spirits (and the tempo of the background music). They have deep conversation and he gets the rose.

Becca wears a very pretty strapless dress in the snow without a jacket to the rose ceremony. Leo, Colton, Blake, Jason, Connor, Lincoln, John, Chris, David, and Jordan get roses. Sending home Nick and Christon home

Lincoln: “I hope she knows how I feel about her and I hope she knows that the things I say are true and honest” except, you know, that that the EARTH IS FLAT!

Next up: Vegas. Say hi to my love for me!

The Teams are like this:

A bunch of us look to be in trouble with only 2 ponies left except that we all have favorites who will undoubtedly go deep. Andi/ Eric and Julia/Paul battle for the last team standing points. Somehow the dreg Leo is staying strong making me scratch my head a little since he hasn’t gotten much screen time.