Synopsis
Kelsey, who had been “stranded in the desert” according to Chris Harrison, came on the show. They rehashed her performance on the show, including her panic attack and battle royale with Ashley. They juxtaposed her saying super-nice fake-sounding comments about Ashley with her saying super-mean things about Ashley in the Badlands.
The farmer came on and talked with Harrison about his double-execution in the Badlands. Harrison justified ABC putting a crazy person on the show (Ashley S) by showing a few seconds of her acting sanely in an audition tape. Then Harrison asked the farmer about allowing the two drunks to come back on the show. “I’m a caring person, and fell for her,” the farmer explained regarding Jordan. Then they showed Jillian saying horrifying things while the farmer described her exit as a result of “chemistry.” Then they showed some highlights of when Jimmy Kimmel came on the show and when Andrea the love guru came on the show and when Becca rode donkeys and some of the times Chris made out with Britt. Bailey groaned and readjusted his snuggle.
Then Andi the ex-Bachelorette came on the show to talk about breaking up with Josh. She actually began the interview by crying. “I guess you could say…it’s been a tough month,” Andi stammered through tears. “We had struggled for a while…I knew I had found the one...knowing what we felt for one another probably makes it that much harder not being together now,” she wept.
“Are you still in love with Josh?” Harrison needled. “So sad,” Melissa said. “I never loved anybody like that in my life,” Andi said. “That was my first true love, without a doubt.” Harrison wouldn’t let up. “Are you guys still talking at all?” he inquired. “It’s not a healthy place right now,” Andi said. “What’s next?” Harrison asked. “Where do you go from here?” “Nick V,” Melissa said. “They’re setting it up for her to be the Bachelorette again,” I hypothesized. Bailey snored.
Finally, the actual show started. “That was kind of a train wreck,” the farmer said about his double execution in the Badlands, not realizing it applied to his “Farmer Tells All” interview. Megan asked the farmer about their relationship and he got rid of her. Whitney said she was going to cry about it but it was unclear if she did. Megan cried about it in the SUV on her way to the airport. Then Harrison jollily announced there was still going to be a rose ceremony that night. The farmer asked Harrison if he could get out of having a rose ceremony. “I don’t think I can do this,” he said. “Then what are you suggesting?” Harrison asked. “Polygamy,” Melissa said. The farmer then announced there wouldn’t be a rose ceremony and that they were going to his home in Iowa. The girls screamed for joy. “That’s the first time anyone has ever had that reaction to going to Iowa,” Melissa said.
Jade got the one-on-one date. “Huge,” Becca said. “Real huge. Real huge.” “Bigtime” Whitney’s squeaky voice added. Carly hated on Britt. The farmer was excited to talk to his cows. Jade arrived at the farmer’s house (it was an actual house, not a barn or a farmhouse) wearing some “heel boots” that Melissa disapproved of. The farmer pointed to “one of the farms” he owned and showed Jade his bedroom and his land. “It makes it more real actually seeing and experiencing it,” Jade said. Then he showed her a bunch of busto businesses. The only store that was still open sold meat.
Then they motorbiked to a high school football game and met his parents. “Unbelievably huge,” Jade said. They showed a marching band which Melissa loved and went inside the farmer’s old high school. The farmer said that “Jade had a wild side (he) really wanted to see” not knowing that wild side was Playboy magazine. Then they made out against a bank of lockers. “It’s not like English class at all. It’s more like French,” the farmer punned. Bailey snored louder.
Whitney and the farmer went to a photo gallery in Des Moines and then took pictures and kissed a lot around the city. Meanwhile, back at the hotel, Jade described her date which made Britt cry. Carly sensibly suggested they head into town and check it out so they did. Arlington was small and everything was closed. Carly saw a picture of Jesus and interpreted it as a sign things were going well.
Whitney and her squeaky voice met three of the farmer’s friends at a loud bar. “That’s huge,” she said, then proceeded to win them over. Carly hated on Britt. The farmer told his friends to take a hike so he could make out with Whitney and talk to her about having no parents. The farmer showed Whitney a mural the town had made of them and Whitney said she was going to cry but again it was unclear if she did. “This is the most amazing moment of my entire life,” she said.
Jade told Carly she’d modeled nude for Playboy. “Really???” Carly asked, shocked. Then she, Britt and Kaitlyn went ice skating with the farmer in an arena. Britt was pretty bad. Carly was decent. Kaitlyn the Canadian was only OK. The farmer fell down several times. Carly hated on Britt and talked behind her back. They left the hockey rink and went to a well-lit living room/bar. “Des Moines seems cool,” Melissa said, completely serious. Britt convinced the farmer she actually liked Iowa while Carly hated on her. Kaitlyn was cool and mature about it as usual so the farmer gave her the date rose. Britt cracked her knuckles in disgust while a siren blared and then she complained for like two minutes about how hurt she was. The farmer beat a hasty retreat. Britt kept whining and Carly kept hating. “If anyone should be worried here, it’s Carly Waddell,” Carly said. Then Britt cried some more.
Standings
Andie & Eric: 44.5 points
1. Jade: 12
2. Whitney: 15
+1.5 last team standing bonus (tie)
With their two stalwarts scoring seven points (I gave Whitney one point for crying when it was unclear if it should be 0, 1, or 2) last episode and both squaring away hometowns, the juggernauts only got stronger. The only way any team could beat A&E now is if someone rejected Chris's marriage proposal at the end. This has been the most dominant performance in the history of our pool.
Julia & Paul: 33 points
3. Carly: 13
This team should be officially eliminated within the next 24 hours. Their final score will appear respectable but no one on this team ever had a shot.
Kelly & Phil: 28 points
1. Becca: 13
I didn't give Megan plus or minus points since her exit was somewhere between "on one's own accord" and "involuntarily." Becca somehow went through three hours of Bachelor programming without scoring a point. We know she's going at least as far as the fantasy suite, so K&P can pin their hopes on her rejecting a marriage proposal. That doesn't appear likely.
+1.5 last team standing bonus (tie)
Melissa & Tom: 23 points
1. Britt: 17
It looks like Chris is going to attribute Carly's dissing on Britt as desperation rather than legitimate concern for him. Britt is looking more like she wants this than doesn't want it and we know Chris likes her. This team isn't drawing dead just yet.
Andrea & Zack: 21 points
1. Kaitlyn: 16
Kaitlyn is going on a hometown date Monday night, but that's only worth 3 points in the pool this season. A rose would secure her invitation to the fantasy suite, which would be enough for A to Z to avoid a basement finish a season after winning the pool on the back of Josh "Heartbreaker" Murray.
This was a good episode. My best guess is that Brit is going home over Whitney. Chris was brilliant when he cut off Brit’s whining after giving Kaitlyn the rose. I spent the first half of the episode thinking she was mature even in the way she openly expressed her jealousy without criticizing the other women. Then she changed my opinion. She never talked about how much she likes Chris. She wants to win. She doesn't want Chris.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I didn't see Whitney cry so I'm okay without a point for that.
ReplyDeleteBut hometown date = 3 points. Does that apply to Jade's hometown date with Chris? It's a date in a hometown.
I didn't give Jade points for a "hometown date" but that's a good point. Not sure what to do there.
ReplyDelete