Synopsis
Farmer Chris and the girls went to Santa Fe. Megan said Santa Fe was like “a beach resort place,” then added that she’d “never been out of the country.” It was unclear why she would mention that unless she thought New Mexico wasn’t part of the United States.
The farmer sent Carly a message that said “Let’s Come
Together.” Carly said “it could be the best day of my life.” Carly and Chris
hung out with a lady who burned things and meditated and chanted. She reminded
me of Andrea. The lady on the show had them chant "OMMMMM" together. “We’ve never ommed together, Love,” Melissa noted. The meditation lady had the farmer put on a blindfold and had Carly rub him and
smell him. Then the lady told them to take each other’s clothes off
so they started to, but they didn’t like it so they stopped and instead they
talked. Then they breathed into each other’s mouths. “Does someone have a
tic-tac?” Melissa wondered. Then they made out.
Carly talked about a past boyfriend who didn’t think she was
hot. I said that Carly was a pretty girl but the farmer was a “10” which
Melissa disagreed with. I tried to talk his looks up but Melissa just said “Why
don’t you sleep with him then?”
A bunch of girls went rafting on the Rio Grande River with
the farmer. Megan was worried about alligators and dead bodies infesting the
river. The farmer referred to it as a “gorge” even though it was flat on the
sides. Jade fell out and got cold.
Jordan the drunk who had been executed a few episodes back showed
up at Chris’s hotel in Santa Fe and they talked for a while and Chris let her
back in the game. That pissed off the other girls.
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Britt cried cause she was
scared to go on a date involving heights. Apparently she is scared of
water too because she hadn’t showered in weeks according to Carly.
The farmer succumbed to the pressure of the other girls and
sayonared Jordan again, so A to Z didn’t get any more points – except she cried
on her way out so they snuck out a point on her. Whitney got the date rose and
Ashley Kardashian cried about it.
The farmer snuck into the girls hotel room very early in the
morning. He couldn’t believe how good Britt looked, but Britt was wearing
makeup that she “puts on before bed”, only the farmer couldn’t tell even though
her lipstick was the color of pink M&Ms. They got in a hot air balloon like Melissa and I did and took a ride while the other girls complained and scary music
played. Carly cried.
Kelsey went and told the farmer about her dead husband and
cried and made out with him (the farmer, not the dead husband). The farmer
almost started crying himself and went to talk to Chris Harrison. They decided
not to have a rose ceremony and Ashley K wept again. Kelsey fell or something
and cried (I was mostly sweating daily fantasy at this point) and then Ashley K
started bawling again at the beginning of the preview and then she cried again
at the end of the preview and then Megan said more idiotic things about New
Mexico and referred to her sombrero as a thinking cap. “It’s not working very
well, “ Melissa said.
Standings
Andie & Eric: 32.5 points
1. Jade: 7
2. Whitney: 9
3. Mackenzie: 8
+1.5 last team standing bonus (tie)
Whitney continues to separate herself from the pack. She's classy, fun, intelligent, humble and kind. I've almost forgotten about her voice...but I haven't. Whitney's squeaky voice is her Achilles Heel.
Julia & Paul: 29 points
1. Kelsey: 11
3. Carly: 10
Kelsey scares me. She seems grotesquely proud of being a widow and tries to flaunt it. She's currently lying on a floor, perhaps dying. Chris was sketched out about her even before this floor drama and seemingly on the verge of voting her out. But even if she goes next week, she's already racked up on 10 points on the strength of tears and the first "sneak" since we started rewarding points for it. Carly solidified her status as a top sixish sort of contender with a well-timed date. Paul claimed Ashley S should be getting another point for saying "I love you" to the bachelor. Our rules say that she must say the words "directly" to the bachelor. If I remember right she was kind of saying it to the air, not even looking him in the eye, but I gave them the point anyways cause I don't think they'll be a factor in this competition.
3. Nikki: 4
+1.5 last team standing bonus (tie)
Ashley I is racking up points even though she's a total bitch and she hasn't been on a one-on-one date. She's a big crier. Meanwhile, "Samantha" persists another episode because of the lack of rose ceremony. Yet B&D are slotted for a last place finish if their two remaining draft picks are eliminated during the next couple episodes, which appears likely.
Bri & Doug: 23.5 points
1. Ashley I: 12
2. Samantha: 6
+1.5 last team standing bonus (tie)
Kelly & Phil: 22 points
1. Becca: 10
2. Megan: 7
We think of Megan as a solid player, but that's just cause she had a random early one-on-one. Megan is an imbecile and could be offed next week. Becca is practically a lock for Hometowns and remains in the hunt for next season's Bachelorette. I think we should give more points for picking next season's Bachelor(ette). That would keep the pool interesting in runaway seasons like this and rewards the other form of "winning" the game.
Melissa & Tom: 17 points
1. Britt: 11
Britt had another solid encounter with Chris and appears on track for Hometowns. That should be enough to keep this team out of the basement.
Andrea & Zack: 15 points
1. Kaitlyn: 10
It was amazing that both Kimberly and Jordan managed to "rise from the dead" like Bachelorette Zombies this season yet neither managed to stick for even one more episode. Also, it's time we all admit Kaitlyn is the coolest/funnest lady on the show. She may not win Chris's final rose but she'd be a wise choice for next Bachelorette.
There is a non-zero chance Kelsey committed mariticide.
ReplyDeleteWe are missing 3 points.
ReplyDeleteWe only got 1 point for Ashley S. saying "I love you" to Chris. It should be worth 2 points.
We only got 4 points for Carly last week, should have been 5. She got a 1-on-1 date (2 pts.), a rose (1 pt.), and she cried in two different outfits (2 pts.)
We only got 4 points for Kelsey, should have been 5. She snuck time with Chris (2 pts.), went on a group date (1 pt.), and cried in two different outfits (2 pts.)
We should be at 29 pts. total right now...
Moon, I also have a points question. You reference the "first" sneak time of the season from Kelsey. Did Ashley Kardashian's middle of the night tent sneak not count? I haven't been following the points as close as Paul, but it would be good to clarify what you are classifying a "sneak" worth points as. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteWe definitely think Kelsey had something to due with her husband dropping dead. She kept referencing her "perfect story" with a maniacal look in her eyes. Stay away, Chris. Stay away.
Hold on hold on...Carly cried twice? When? Kelsey cried twice? When?
ReplyDeleteOtherwise good points, I appreciate y'all checking in...the only safe way to verify your players are getting the correct pts is to monitor them yourselves.
I will update the points when we agree upon them.
Tough call on Ashley K's tent sneak...I would say it probably should count
ReplyDeleteAshley K's tent sneak definitely counts.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Carly cried twice in two different outfits. Once when she was on a 1-on-1 date with Chris and told him she didn't feel worthy of a man's love. Then she cried later in the episode when Chris "Shushed" her in the morning so he could have some make-out time with Brit 5 feet away.
Kelsey cried in a red top when she told Chris about her story that she's so proud of (her husband dying). Then she cried again (this time in a black dress) at the cocktail party when she realized her head was on the chopping block.
Oh, and by the way Doug... I totally agree. I think an investigator needs to do some digging around because I think she had something to do with his death as well.
Kelsey is some kind of crazy that I’ve never seen on this show. Devious & wacko. Chris didn’t want to kiss her. If she doesn’t die between episodes I’d give a high probability to her elimination in the rose ceremony.
ReplyDeleteI recall two Bachelors who made bad picks, Ben and Jake. Both of those guys were suspect candidates to be the Bachelor, and they proved to be a doofus (Jake) and a hybrid jerk/idiot/jackass (Ben). Chris is smart, so assuming he falls in love with one of the real contenders, he’s not choosing one of the pretenders.
I don’t know what it is, but I still think there is an unrevealed side to Brit. She also didn’t get the best maturity gene, even though by LA standards it looks pretty good. She likes to make the other girls jealous (“We took a nap in his room for a couple hours”). And a girl who puts on makeup before bed, even if it’s just because she’s on a TV show, will never make it on the farm, and won’t pass muster with the other farm women. And if she is scared of heights how is she ever going to climb to the top of a grain silo? I’m qualified to make these statements because all my relatives lived on the farm, and I’ve lived in LA (right next to Reality Steve).
Ashley I was born without a maturity gene, and that pretty much disqualifies her.
This is a really hard season to predict.
Kaitlyn impresses me a little more each week. She didn’t say much this week, but judging by her facial expressions she’s starting to have feelings for Chris.
Even though crying points are semi-ridiculous, they made this episode interesting.
Megan…
That love therapist, how often do you think she engages in sexual relations her clients?
Chris made a bad decision allowing Jordan to come back.
Was it a rose ceremony they decided to skip, or was it the cocktail party?
These women are next on the chopping block: : Kelsey, Mackenzie, Samantha/Nikki (Samikki), Megan.
Has the true winner of the show ever been denied because a girl was allowed back into the show with 10 or 25 contestants remaining? Yet, the women who have no chance always complain about it.
Of the remaining women I think the only ones he would marry are Whitney, Jade and Becca. I’m predicting Jade as the winner with a low degree of certainty. Becca might be the most mature of all the women.
Even next season’s Bachelorette is hard to predict. I don’t see any standout candidates, unless they turned to Ashley I, but that would hurt the credibility (?) of the show.
By my calculations we got 6 points, and should have moved from 27.5 to 33.5 points.
3 points for 3 group dates
1 point for a rose - Whitney (if you’re counting roses in this week’s total)
2 points for winning a group date - Whitney
Jade said she was crying but I couldn’t detect a tear, so if that’s the criteria I didn’t get that point.
What a phenomenal season thus far. With the new point system this season's winner could be decided by tears! That's right, so far there are so many find criers that ABC could easily end the water drought in california!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, Ashley Kardashian is a juggernaut of tears. Carly, with her insecurity and staying in a horrible relationship for two years is going to be a trove of tears and kelsey good God, I wonder if she cried when she killed, I mean when her husband died or if she has been saving them up for pity points on the show?
A and E have two strong players left and they seem clear favorites to run away with the show.
Paul and Julia made a disgusting jump in points as their calamity of picks started racking up points for all the wrong reasons.
Who is Samantha? Anytime they show a group shot I look at Paul and Julia and ask who she is. This happened twice, she's as memorable as...
Megan, what can I say, she's our special player.
The farm is riding on Becca, literally. I can't see her or anyone this season as the next bachelorette. I guess Kaitlyn is ok but if I were single and considering going on that show, I would not go for her, would you?
Britt is just weird. She doesn't take showers but puts make up on before bed? Those are two really conflicting ideals...
re: Eric's team points. We say that you get 2 pts for "winning" a group date and 1 pt for a rose. This would basically be a 2 pt bonus for getting the group date rose. In the past I have been awarding 2 pts total for this win, including the rose. I should have mentioned this at some point. I did hand out rose pts for Whitney & Carly already.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to placate all of Kwicky's requests here. I don't watch carefully enough to argue otherwise. As Phil said, their team is racking up points for all the wrong reasons but they're satisfying the criteria.
As long as you're being consistent on the group date win that's fine with me. We should change that language in the rules to 1 point for winning a group date.
ReplyDeleteI still haven't heard any of Paul's in-game comments this season. I just realized the best way to do that would be via Twitch - put a camera behind Paul with the TV in site so it's easy to follow along.
Unfortunately Paul hasn't watched an episode in my presence this season. That's unfortunate - I miss his commentary too. And would love to hear Julia's thoughts as well.
ReplyDelete