Episode 6

Synopsis


They went to Venice, Italy. MeatHead thought he was going on a one-on-one date, but Andi took V instead. MeatHead said he felt like a pet dog. Meanwhile, Andrea had a one-on-one date with Cosmo the real dog on the couch. She likened him to V, complimenting him on his suaveness.

MeatHead was frustrated and talked about it with the farmer guy. “Way to be a shoulder, Chris the Farmer,” Andrea said.

Andi and Nick drank beer and ate gelato while Bag played with his phone. Then they went to what Andi called a “masquerade hall” with paintings on the ceilings and ate dinner. Actually they just drank wine and kept talking about the same crap they’d been talking about the whole time. “Is this a repeat of the first twenty minutes?” Bag asked while furiously tapping the touch screen of his phone.

“I wish they would just try to eat their food,” Andrea said. “The pasta is getting cold.”

Andi took the guys to a dungeon and had some Italian goons give them a polygraph test. Josh M was, in his own words, “a little bit on edge.” In Andrea’s words he was “totally freaking out.” Dylan admitted to sleeping with over twenty women and not washing his hands after going to the bathroom, then nearly lost his lunch and went back to the hotel.

Paul came in, peeved that we started watching it without him. So we backtracked and replayed the dungeon part. Andi ripped up the results even though there were some liars alleged by the polygraph.

Cody and V hung out in a sauna staring at the floor. V had a better body than I expected.

Marcus told Andi he thought about leaving early in the show before his one-on-one date. Then he told her he loved her. Josh M dug himself a hole with a defensive reaction to the polygraph. “Josh is a goner, Moon,” Paul said. “Maybe not this episode, but soon.”

Andrea and Bag left for Bag's soccer game. “Wait, what??” Paul asked, mortified that we had to pause it.

At night they came home and we watched the second half. The farmer guy admitted he was Andi’s secret admirer. Then they made out. “He looks like he’s a really good kisser,” Andrea observed. Then Andi gave the farmer a rose. Bag and I discussed which guy we’d most want to live in our Vegas house. We decided on Marquel, partly because he’s from Las Vegas. JJ spouted off a wild three-minute monologue which pissed off the farmer guy.

Cody the MeatHead finally got his one-on-one date. Five minutes in he proclaimed it to be “the best first date I’ve ever been on.” They wrote letters. “It gives me a chance to express, through letters, exactly how I feel, in words,” Cody said. 

“This is just a one-way street, right now,” Andrea summarized. “Poor Cody. Poor Macklemore."

Then they went to dinner somewhere nice. “Miami Vice,” Andrea announced upon seeing their dinner outfits. Andi’s pants were the color of her skin which was confusing and Cody wore a V-neck with the V practically down to his belly button. “It shows his cleavage,” Bag said.

Cody attempted a hopeless, sinking-ship speech. “This is rough,” Andrea stated. Andi started crying and tossed him. A blue-coated bellhop came up and grabbed his bags.

Chris the farmer gave V a hard time about talking to Andi first at the cocktail party. Josh M was empathetic to V. Dylan contemplated it somberly and announced “I should have done that.”

During an uninspiring batch of overtures, Bag started checking his phone again. Jeff almost fell asleep and I proudly concluded that V was winning the show. “He’s got it in the bag,” concurred Andrea.

Chris Harrison showed up and asked Andi about her week. “Who’s this guy?” Jeff asked. “Her therapist?”

“What a waste of time this is,” Bag said. “We just watched [everything Andi was talking about.]”

At the rose ceremony, we realized we’d forgotten to call JJ “Bill Nye” all episode and lamented it. They tried to make it seem like Josh M might not get a rose but obviously it ended up being JJ who was packed into the black van to end the night.

Standings

Kelly & Phil: 31.5 points

Marcus: 13

Brian: 11

Andrew: 4.5

+3 team bonus

Ho-hum episode for these boys. Marcus has a hometown in the bag and Brian has a leg up on Dylan for another spot. Toppling the defending champs won't be easy.

Bri & Doug: 20.5 points

Chris: 13.5

Patrick: 5

Ron: 2

Andrea compared Chris the Farmer to Chris the Guy Who Won Desiree's Season. It's a strong parallel. The farmer is just sort of hanging around, being nice, and letting other dudes melt down. That could be enough to win if Josh and V implode down the stretch.

Melissa & Tom: 19 points

Nick V: 10

Nick S: .5

JJ: 8.5

V is going to win this thing going away, but will it be enough? We're 12.5 points back of the defending champs and have half the players.

Andrea & Zack: 15 points

Josh M: 10

Eric: 0

Marquel: 5

Nothing to panic about yet for Josh M. He's still a mysterious, dangerous, charismatic character. Andi connects with him better than any guy except V and thinks he's better-looking than any guy except Marcus.

Andie & Eric: 12.5 points

Dylan: 8.5

Tasos: 3.5

Craig: .5

Eric Schwartz's sad hopes hang on Dylan, who surprisingly got the first rose at the ceremony. Don't be fooled - this is one sorry team. Dylan will be lucky to get a pity hometown and won't be making it past that stage. The only silver lining for Team Jersey is that they've ousted the Dregs - unless Dylan hara-kiris like he did after that lie detector test.

Dregs: 9.5 points

Bradley: 2

Brett: 2

Carl: .5

Cody: 5

MeatHead's dinner date was painful to watch. He needs to consider it a moral victory to get as far as he did.