Episode 4

Synopsis

They went to Connecticut. The farmer guy said it was “kind of a heartland, only on the East Coast.” The guys did a fake toast in a bathtub.

Dylan was chosen for the one-on-one date. Andrew the Douche expressed skepticism over Dylan’s chances of surviving the date. Paul agreed. “I don’t think they have the spark. He seems like a good guy, but I just don’t know. She seems bored.”

“I seem bored,” Bag said.

They got on a train and went for a ride. “I’ve never really had an elaborate date,” Andi said. There was the time she went to the beach with Eric the Dead Explorer, then they took a helicopter ride to the top of a mountain, then went snowboarding, then had dinner in an elegant cabin while talking about Syria and other adventures, then roasted marshmallows by the fire. She had been on a few dates since then, so maybe she forgot. 

Dylan told Andi about his dead siblings and they both cried. Then she gave him the rose. They never touched their food. Maybe it was a plastic prop. Then they blew the train whistle. 

The guys went to play basketball with some WNBA players. 

“I’m looking forward to this basketball game,” I announced. “More than game 3 of the NBA Finals?” Bag asked, and I said yes.

Andi obviously never took a basketball elective like I offer at school. Not a pretty jump shot.

First the guys played a team of WNBA players and got annihilated. Then they divided into two teams and played each other. Marquel jumped like a black man. MeatHead got rejected by a girl, good practice for what's gonna happen in a week or two. V fumbled a nice pass on the baseline. Josh M. was a turnover machine. Brian the basketball coach totally dominated so Andi gave him the date rose. In the locker room postgame the losing team acted like they’d just lost Game 7 of the NBA Finals while dramatic piano & string music played. The winning team sprayed champagne.

Then Andi and Marcus went rappelling off the roof of the Mohegan Sun. Andi was scared. Marcus rappelled in his blazer and jeans. It took a while for Andi to get going. On the way down they talked about Mahjongg and golf. “Sounds like taking care of a drunk person,” Bag said.

They rappelled past the room where the guys were staying and they banged on the windows. Andrea suggested the guys take their pants off and push their wieners against the glass. “Would you do it?” she asked Bag. “It’s kind of like mooning.”

“Is Marquel there?” Bag asked.

They had dinner and Humble Marcus made his triumphant return. Then they went to a miniature country concert and danced and kissed. “This guy’s stock is skyrocketing,” Paul said. “It looks like she’s having a GREAT time.”

Then Marcus said “I think I’m falling in love with you.” Boom. Two more points for Kelly & Phil. 

At the cocktail party, Andi talked to and kissed several of the guys. “Wow, she is kind of just getting around here,” Paul commented.

Eric the Dead Explorer confronted Andi about being a TV actress and having a poker face all the time. He wasn’t very delicate about it and it pissed Andi off and then he caught a cab and then he died in a paragliding accident.

There was no rose ceremony shown, but Tasos was sent back to Denver to plan more weddings, play more frolf, and buy more earrings.

Standings

Kelly & Phil: 23.5 points

Marcus: 10

Brian: 6.5           

Andrew: 4 
+3 team bonus      

The defending champs came roaring back after an ugly episode 3. Marcus left his douchebag costume in California. He took care of business on that rappelling date and should cruise to the final eight. The episode could not have gone any better for Brian, who's in line to pick up more points when he gets a one-on-one. He's looking like a final-eight lock as well. Andrew is hanging around as the Token Douche. I'd forgotten to give this team the 3-point bonus for being the last to have all three contestants remaining, which has been corrected.

Bri & Doug: 15 points

Chris: 8.5                       

Patrick: 4.5                       

Ron: 2

Nothing to see here. Someone, I think it was Bag, mentioned that the producers might rig a two-on-one date featuring Andrew the Douche and Patrick the Douche. Seems fitting.

Melissa & Tom: 11.5 points

Nick V: 5.5           

Nick S: .5

JJ: 5.5    

V is crushing the competition without remorse. This is a man amongst boys. Marcus had a nice date and all, but he and Andi don't have the chemistry. Andi likes Josh M., but at the end of the day he's still an unemployed jock. The farmer guy lives in Iowa and Brian is a cute little afterthought. V is way, way ahead of these other tools. He's got this if he wants it. 

Andrea & Zack: 10 points

Josh M: 5.5                       

Eric: 0

Marquel: 4.5                       

Ouch. I actually liked Eric the Dead Explorer's wild move, just not the execution. I think Andi would have been happy to discuss the fake plastic nature of the scenario they were in. She likely would have been open to some mild questioning of her on-screen persona if Eric had been a little more polite, a little more tactful. Andi really didn't take it well, which surprised me and Eric both. We gave Eric a -5 for leaving on his own terms rather than getting kicked off. Tough, tough beat for A to Z, whose team was looking tough.

Andie & Eric: 9.5 points

Dylan: 5.5

Tasos: 3.5

Craig: .5

It was fitting that Tasos was invisibly sent home. The guy never got a fair shake. Phil bet someone Tasos would finish 5th/6th or better, so he lost. 

This team is finished. It would be a monumental upset if Dylan won the final rose - and even that likely wouldn't be enough for A&E to win the pool. A&E should be counting their blessings that Andi spared Craig till the rose ceremony. If he'd been saddled with a Negative Eight, this team would be historically bad. As is, they're neck-and-neck with the Dregs.

Dregs: 9 points

Bradley: 2

Brett: 2

Carl: .5

Cody: 4.5                       

Doug asked about posting the points system. It's now been added as a post and as a link on the right side of the blog. Doug also asked about the bracket. That's not happening unfortunately, I didn't have the time to get it cranked out. I still think it will be a fun addition for future seasons.