Hometowns

Synopsis

Rachel went to Baltimore to meet Eric, who danced and said "hey" a lot. It was a stereotypically crappy gray day. They played basketball. Rachel played in semi-heels, impressing Melissa. Rachel made a long shot, impressing me. A guy named Ralph showed up. Ralph left and they went to a tower. It was unclear if it was one of the towers from The Wire. They went to an apartment in the tower and were greeted by a large group of people, mostly women, mostly Eric's family. The kohlrabi turned out to be a good addition to my signature stir-fry even though I didn't peel it. Eric's aunt Verna talked with Rachel about race, then about Eric. Meanwhile Eric talked with a woman in a red dress. I asked if she was Eric's sister and Melissa informed me she was in fact his mother. Eric hinted he was in love with Rachel. "What I mean by that is I really care about you. Like, a lot," he finished.

Next Rachel went down to Miami to make out with Bryan. They went to Domino Park where some old guys destroyed them in dominoes. Then they went to Calle Ocho and danced. They made out some more before going to Bryan's parents' house. There were a lot of people there. "So if he's an only child, who are these other people?" I wondered. "Neighbors," Melissa speculated. Bryan told his mom Olga he believed Rachel was the one. Olga expressed skepticism because Bryan had been with "so many girls." Rachel talked to an unidentified young woman who Melissa speculated was a boom holder or an intern. Olga talked with Rachel and approved her after making a physical read of her eyes. Then Olga cried. Bryan told Rachel he was in love with her on a bench near the house. 

Rachel then went to Madison, Wisconsin to hug and kiss Peter. They went to a farmers market, inspiring a fist-pump from Melissa. After eating pickles they went to a bar and hung out with Peter's friends. Peter had said eight of his ten friends were black; if so, both of his white friends were there. They went to a neighborhood called Cottage Grove and met Peter's family. Peter's interactions with his niece impressed Rachel and Melissa. Both Rachel and Peter had boring conversations with his mom Lynn. Then Peter had a boring conversation with Rachel. "I don't know what else to say," he said. "I'm very happy now." "And I am very happy too," Rachel responded. 

Finally Dean and Rachel went to "Aspen" which appeared to be somewhere down the Roaring Fork Valley closer to Carbondale. They rode ATVs, frightening some horses. Then they drank champagne while sitting on hay bales. Dean announced he was "legitimately terrified" to enter his father's house to see his family. He walked inside where a group of people were sitting on a floor. "Sup pops," Dean said. "Sup squad." Dean's dad administered what Melissa knew to be called "a gong bath" where he banged a gong and muttered. Then Dean's dad gave Rachel some feathers. They served mung beans and vegetables with rice. Dean claimed the food looked good but he didn't have room due to eating recently. Dean's sister cried while talking to Rachel. Dean's dad gave himself credit for being a good father because Dean was good. Then they had a contentious discussion which possibly caused Dean to cry and certainly curse. Rachel attempted to talk to Dean's dad but he quickly exited. Rachel then spoke with Dean while his dad watched them through a window. Dean told Rachel he was falling in love with her and she reciprocated.

They held a Rose Ceremony in a skyscraper in Dallas. Rachel had a boring conversation with Chris Harrison before the vote-out. Melissa sighed nervously, then noted each of the men stood in a "power stance." Much to our surprise, Eric got the second rose and Dean busted out. He had to go 27 floors down an elevator to reach the hearse, wherein he cried.

Standings

Andie & Eric - 37

1. Bryan - 18

2. Alex - 10

3. Adam - 8

4. Blake - 1

I still like Bryan over Peter, but if the Colombian-Russian?-American falters, we could overtake Andie & Eric for the championship. That's only if we uphold the +3 last team standing bonus Eric has been (reasonably) clamoring about in the comments. It could be a controversial photo finish reminiscent of recent American presidential elections.

Melissa & Tom - 32

1. Peter - 21

2. Josiah - 7

3. Fred - -1

4. Bryce - 2
+3 last team standing bonus

It's looking like a Bryan/Peter final after Eric's supposed exit next week. If Peter wins it over Bryan in the final and no funny business goes down, the pool will finish in a tie. If Bryan cries and Peter doesn't, that will push A&E to the title. If either steals extra time, that will swing the pool. It may well come down to the closing minutes of the season.

Julia & Paul - 31

1. Dean - 21

2. Anthony - 7

3. Brady - 2

4. Blake - 1
Dean's youth finally caught up to him. It wasn't his wacky dad. He was just too young. But he isn't too young for Bachelorhood. I imagine they'll load his season up with immature milennials, crazy cougars, and a few legitimate prospects. It should be a pretty straightforward season.

Andrea & Zack - 25

1. Eric - 19

2. Will - 7

3. Jamey - 1

4. DeMario - -2
Eric persists! His Cinderella run to Fantasy Suites will be the end of the line though. He's fine, but he doesn't possess the firepower of Bryan or the mature reliability of Peter. Even if I'm wrong and he runs the gauntlet, A to Z will still come up short of the top teams.

Kelly & Phil - 16

1. Jack - 3

2. Matt - 7

3. Lee - 5

4. Blake - 1
Do we flip a coin to see who picks first next season? I would argue Bri & Doug should win the tiebreaker since they got bad-beated by DeMario, but does "winning the tiebreaker" mean picking first or second? Maybe they should choose. They need every bit of help they can get.
 

Bri & Doug - 16

1. Kenny - 10

2. Iggy - 5

3. Diggy - 3

4. DeMario - -2
Next season will be a crossroads for B&D. With the first or second pick, they'll have an opportunity to right the ship. Another Kennyesque choice would be hard to live down.