Episode Seven

Synopsis

Paul and I watched the Bachelorette on our off day in between days 1 and 2 of the WSOP Main Event. Paul was nice enough to come over and help deliver all the recycling from six weeks at the house to a center in North Las Vegas because Vegas doesn’t do standard recycling for normal people. They went to Switzerland. Rachel chose Bryan to go on his second one-on-one date before Adam and Matt got their first, tilting the latter two. Bryan and Rachel got in a nice silver car that impressed Paul. They went to a watch store and Rachel bought Bryan and her matching watches. Paul expressed skepticism that she actually purchased them. “I’m proposing that that’s all bulls**t and the show just bought them,” he stated.

They made out on a boat while Adam and Matt tilted together. “These guys have to know they’re drawing dead, right?” I asked. Paul said he’d still be holding out hope if he was one of them. At night Bryan and Rachel talked at a dinner table. She said she hated private school. Bryan said his last relationship fizzled because his ex wouldn’t compromise with his mom. Bailey did his cute dreamshaking thing but his paw was touching the remote control giving me anxiety he was going to change the channel. They made out in front of a small symphony (Bryan and Rachel, not Bailey and the remote control).

Dean got to go on the next one-on-one date, further tilting Adam and Matt. “Don’t punch me in the face,” Dean said. They went to church. Then they danced in the street. Dean talked about Aspen as if he lived there which was interesting because his location is always listed as Venice Beach. Dean expressed anxiety over Rachel meeting his family because it wasn’t a traditional family. “Are his parents gay or something?” Paul wondered. They drank white wine. Dean asked Rachel if she believed in the Tooth Fairy. Rachel tried to get serious. Then Dean asked Rachel about dinosaurs. “Dean what the f&$k?!” Paul exclaimed. At night Rachel continued to press Dean into seriousness. He finally got serious and told Rachel his dad was immature and eccentric. It worked. Rachel gave him the date rose, committing to hometowns.

Rachel and Peter took a helicopter ride in the Alps. They lowered their headphone talking speakers to make out. They went dogsledding on Glacier 3000. Paul said he would love to do that and wondered where Peter’s beanie was. They made out on the glacier. Then they drank in an elegant room. It appeared Peter was drinking coke or soda but he said it was “really good” implying it was liquor of some sort. Rachel asked him if he’d ever brought home a black girl and he said he’d never dated a black girl. Then he told her about breaking up with his ex and started crying.

Adam, Eric, Matt and Rachel went on a four-person date. “My relationship is probably stronger than anyone else’s in the house,” Adam stated. Paul and I couldn’t believe he actually said that so we rewinded to see if he actually did. He actually did. They drank wine on a boat. Then they went to a chateau in France and drank more wine. Adam continued to express disdain for the word “difficult.” Paul laughed, possibly because he described doing a triathlon to me earlier in the day and that sounded pretty freaking difficult. Matt and Rachel talked for a bit and Rachel started weeping and bid him adieu. Matt took his glass of wine into the hearse.

Rachel talked with Adam and Eric at night. She expressed concern that Eric had never brought a girl home. Paul said she was going with Adam and I said I thought Eric. We didn’t bet on it for some reason. Rachel told them she was going with her gut and chose Eric. In the hearse, Adam expressed bitterness, saying Rachel “made a massive mistake” and should have met his family. “You think your family can pick up the slack for where your relationship was lacking?” Paul asked incredulously.

Standings

Andie & Eric - 33

1. Bryan - 14

2. Alex - 10

3. Adam - 8

4. Blake - 1

Bryan is still The Frontrunner in my eyes, but Paul feels differently. He thinks Peter is the favorite and said the Wisconsinite was tops on he and Julia's board from the beginning, with Dean second. He had a hearty laugh at them lasting till the end of the first round. Personally I only see Bryan faltering if a bombshell drops down the stretch. Bryan seems like a guy that could have skeletons in his closet, but the trailers haven't hyped much in terms of surprise and devastation - and you know they would if it was going to happen.

Melissa & Tom - 28

1. Peter - 17

2. Josiah - 7

3. Fred - -1

4. Bryce - 2
+3 last team standing bonus

Whether or not Peter is now the favorite is up for discussion, but there's no question he had an excellent episode. He's playing a confident, patient game, letting his opponents make mistakes. He should have no trouble coasting through hometowns, and appears to have surged past Dean - whose age finally showed up this week.

Julia & Paul - 26

1. Dean - 16

2. Anthony - 7

3. Brady - 2

4. Blake - 1
Sketchy episode for Dean. Just when it started looking like he could overcome the age gap, he went and responded to Rachel's attempts at deep conversation with rebuttals about the Tooth Fairy and dinosaurs. Eventually he was able to summon the heartstrings, but it may have been too little too late. The fun fling period of the show is giving way to the more serious relationship portion, and previews of Dean's crackpot dad don't bode well. Regardless, he'll be the next Bachelor.

Andrea & Zack - 21

1. Eric - 15

2. Will - 7

3. Jamey - 1

4. DeMario - -2
Eric could sneak into Fantasy Suites if one of his three competitors melts down, which could certainly happen. This team won't win, but Eric managed to guide them out of the Bottom Feeder Tier.

Kelly & Phil - 16

1. Jack - 3

2. Matt - 7

3. Lee - 5

4. Blake - 1
Matt and Adam got -2 for busting out on that 3-on-1 date: one point for going on a group date and minus three for exiting the show prematurely and involuntarily. I'm not saying this is fair, but it was the only way to score it according to our current points system. We could discuss amending these rules in the offseason. This unfortunate deduction cast K&P down into a tie for last place.
 

Bri & Doug - 16

1. Kenny - 10

2. Iggy - 5

3. Diggy - 3

4. DeMario - -2
Rachel doesn't screw around. I love it. She knows who she likes and takes care of business. She seems to have power over the "producers" we always blame for whichever loudmouth hangs around longer than we think they should. I heard the ratings were down for this season, which I don't understand. I guess people like watching trainwrecks. Rachel is my favorite Bachelorette since I've been watching.