Synopsis
Jimmy Kimmel walked into the farmer’s bedroom and woke him
up. Then they took a shower together. Kaitlyn got the one-on-one date. Andrea & Zack argued
about her chances – Andrea was a nonbeliever.
They went to a Costco (not Andrea
& Zack - Farmer & Kaitlyn that is). They bought a lot of ketchup. Chris was
impressed with the “class” Kaitlyn displayed at "Cassco" while rolling around in
a giant inflatable ball, so he kissed her inside the ball. They also bought a lot of Q-tips.
They went back to the house to grill steaks. Cosmo the dog
saw Chris and Kaitlyn making out so he made out with Melissa’s hand. Jimmy came
by and asked Kaitlyn about her history of dating farmers. She said she had
dated a “legit” farmer. Jimmy made a lot of funny jokes while they cooked
and ate dinner. Then Kaitlyn and the farmer made out in a hot tub while Jimmy ate chicken
wings in the tub.
A tractor-load of girls went on a farming-themed date. It
was a competition of farming tasks like shucking corn and milking goats. “They
should have brought Jeff Probst out for this,” Zack said. Jillian ran around
with her blurred ass. “I read online there’s just like fur sticking out,” Zack
said. “Or did someone say that last week? I forget.” Carly tried really hard
and won the competition.
Carly rambled through something unintelligible
before summarizing with “You are a man and I am a woman.” Then she aggressively made out with him. "There’s a fair amount of kissing going on, which is the
point of this thing,” the farmer said. Mackenzie questioned the farmer about all the kissing he was
doing. “Kissing is something that I think is part of a relationship,” he explained.
Andrea and Melissa talked about Becca’s teeth for a while while Becca hung out on top of a building with the farmer. They appeared to have a good conversation. At the end, Becca only hugged the farmer instead of making out with him
like everyone else. That reminded Zack of his “Virgin Theory." The Virgin Theory is that the producers never would have
- said a virgin was going to the fantasy suite AND
- immediately revealed Ashley I as the virgin UNLESS
- Ashley I wasn't actually headed to the fantasy suite, but a DIFFERENT virgin was.
The farmer gave Becca the date rose. Ashley S made a face
like she’d swallowed rotten goat milk.
Chris, Whitney and Whitney’s high-pitched squeaky voice went
on a date together. Chris and Whitney both wore pink. They talked awkwardly for
a while. Andrea groaned.
They saw a wedding in a park. “Should we crash it?” Whitney
asked. “YOLO.” They decided to. They set up a distant camera and watched
Whitney and the farmer talk to randoms. They pretended to be a recently engaged
couple. Whitney was smooth. The farmer was awkward. Juan Pablo would have
KILLED IT. Whitney went hard after the bouquet toss. “Cover blown,”
Zack said. The farmer was really impressed with her adventurous spirit. So was Zack. “She’s going FAR,” he
announced.
The farmer took another outdoor shower with Jimmy. There was a
pool party instead of a cocktail party. Megan or someone freaked out about the
farmer’s body, but Andrea and Melissa weren’t impressed. “Abs are a little
soft,” Andrea critiqued.
Juelia chose the pool party as the appropriate time to tell
the farmer about her husband’s suicide. They had a long emotional talk. “OH MY
GOSH! POOL PARTY!” were the next words spoken on the show, then the farmer made
out with Britt, then he made out with Jade on a bed while she wore high heels,
and then he made out with Jillian in a hot tub. Ashley Kardashian started
crying and even cried in front of the farmer but soon found herself making out
with him instead.
At the rose ceremony the farmer got rid of Trina, Tracy and
Amber, who cried on the way out to score Kelly & Phil an exit point. There
was a huge reveal in the preview for next week’s episode when someone said
there were two virgins in the house.
Standings
1. Jade: 3
2. Whitney: 4
3. Mackenzie: 5
4. Juelia: 6
This team is way out in front early - in terms of current score, surviving players, individual score, most impressive date and strongest long-term potential. This powerhouse squad is going to be difficult to catch - they'll likely build up a huge lead and ride it all the way. Jade is definitely going super deep, Juelia is definitely going deep, Whitney just pulled off probably the most impressive date I've seen in four seasons and Mackenzie has scored amply for a dreg. It's going to be an upset if anyone can hang with A&E this season.
Kelly & Phil: 14 points
1. Becca: 5
2. Megan: 4
The bad news for K&P is their team was cut in half that episode. The good news is that Becca is backing up her first-round pick pedigree. The hug on Chris was a brilliant move that obviously caught him off guard and distinguished her from the pack. Chris was clearly impressed and communicated that to Becca by giving her the date rose. As Zack knows, sometimes making a "contrarian" play can win you the tournament.
Julia & Paul: 12 points
1. Kelsey: 4
3. Carly: 3
4. Ashley S: 4
Ashley S. survived another episode, this time without hardly ever seeing a camera. Chris's decision to give Becca the date rose over Carly was Bad News Bears for Carly's prospects - she's in trouble.
Bri & Doug: 12 points
1. Ashley I: 6
2. Samantha: 3
3. Nikki: 3
I've watched three episodes now and I still couldn't pick Nikki or Samantha out of a police lineup. They're obviously goners soon. Ashley I survived this episode but the revelation of a second virgin means she may not be headed to the fantasy suite after all, making Zack's Virgin Theory look brilliant. Somehow Bri & Doug's whole team has survived to this point but the noose is tightening quickly on their ladies.
Melissa & Tom: 11 points
1. Britt: 5
3. Jillian: 4
The fact of the matter is this team is going to be down to one member very soon and she won't be able to score enough points to close the gap on A&E. Jillian is hanging on for dear life - she's an underdog to survive the next episode.
Andrea & Zack: 10 points
1. Kaitlyn: 6
It's a good thing A to Z nabbed Kaitlyn because she's all they've got left. They struck out on their other three high-risk/high-reward picks. That's the A to Z strategy and it paid off last season with a title. There's no shame in losing a 6-team pool. But Kaitlyn isn't going to let this team finish last. She's a prime candidate to make it to the fantasy suite.
Kaitlyn won’t win. Based on all her comments on the Chris date, and the way she kissed him, she’s not gaga for Chris. Chris is gaga. She is looking for fun and fame, and eventually Chris will realize this. Who ordered the Q-Tips?
ReplyDelete“Kissing is something that I think is part of a relationship,” he explained. ---> At best he fumbled through this answer after three or four false starts. Mackenzie showed her immaturity when she asked this question, but maybe in some way it made her more attractive to Chris. Or maybe less attractive. The less questions she asks the better.
Zack’s Virgin Theory is a good one and I’m buying it.
And while on the topic of the virgin Ashley I, she is beautiful, but she mumbled something about a Kardashian look. Any girl that aspires to anything Kardashian can never win this season. Chris is gaga over her looks but in the end, maybe sooner, he will come to his senses. She has the same nose as Kim Kardashian. I’d lay 3-1 she had a nose job with Kim K as the model.
I’m upping the bounty to $5 for the first one to name the motorcycle girl.
In next week’s previews it looked like Jilian on the 1-1 date. I was skeptical, but Andie pointed out the large biceps whilst hugging Chris. I think, but hope otherwise, that she’ll get at least one more rose.
I thought Tracy was a fantastic pick by Andrea & Zack. She was down to earth, cute, and seemed like she’d be happy as a pig on a farm. But she got zero air time and it was obvious she was on her way out.
We are three episodes in and they’ve shown very little drama among the women. This may be a record.
I was glad to see Whitney hit it off with Chris. He needs more time to fall for her but they had a great start. Did they kiss? I can’t remember.
Jade made a smart move (or maybe it was Chris’s plan) to hop on the bed with Chris. She has promise but she’s got to get moving. In her favor: more than anyone other Bachelor, Chris gives the first rose of the ceremony to a girl he really likes. It went to Jade this time.
Chris and Desiree were married on Sunday. That relationship always felt weird because he was her second choice.
I was ecstatic all 4 of my girls secured a rose within the first 4 given on the night, but I don’t think Juelia and Mackenzie have any real potential.
Going back to our first draft, if I recall correctly, the winning team came down to who won between Nikki, Andi, and Claire. I had Andi, and in retrospect, she was the real winner. She was smart enough to reject the Pablo while the other girls sunk farther into that awful quicksand. We should rescore that season.
My apologies to Brianna. I saw Bri in the blog and my brain filled in the name Brian. Brianna makes a lot more sense. Meeting the other people in this draft is one more reason in a long list of why we need to move out of New Jersey and back to Boulder ASAP.
Jimmy Kimmel was great. Who picked him?
There are 15 women left. My predictions for the next 3 out: Samantha and/or Nikki (are they the same person?), Ashley S, and Mackenzie
Last night was one of the best episodes in a long time! Kimmel made everything pleasantly awkward and funny.
ReplyDeleteThe Awesome jar was well, just that, Awesome! I love a penalty jar and the editing was spot on with the chime every time someone said it, cheesy and classic!
Mackenzie is the most awkward human on the show, Ashley is bat shit crazy but Mac is just plain awkward. Her first date asking about aliens, having a tough time telling him about her son, the kissing thing... this woman has a quickly expiring shelf life.
I had Jade 4th on my board so for her to be a first pick for A&E I can get behind.
Ashley I may not be the virgin going deep, ahem, so to speak. If she makes the fantasy suite, she will be a juggernaut of points as her mentally unbalanced Kardashian worshiping crying will rack up the points week after week after week. She is going to cry every episode from here on out, it will just come down to if we see it. Pool Party? I had a Kardashian outfit picked out. Vomit!
The woman on the motorcycle is Megan. I accept checks and cash.
If Becca turns out to be the other virgin, P&K just may have a shot. Megan was terrified to be going home this week which does not instill confidence.
At what point during the shooting of a show should a producer pull a, "contestant" (Jillian) aside and provide her with some guidance regarding appropriate clothing choices to wear on camera? Survivor doesn't do that much editing!!! Seriously woman, add an inch or 4 to those pants, you're on TV!
Thank goodness for the parting tears from Amber, she was never going far so racking up an extra point was huge!
Oh and I totally forgot to post about one of the best dates we have seen in years! Whitney is a huge favorite now coming off of that "AMAZING" wedding crash. C'mon, team major props to her for having the nerves. She saved the second most awkward person on the show after Mackenzie, none other than our Bachelor Chris. He was a clusterF of epic proportion. Seriously... this guy couldn't pull off a simple convo at a wedding. uggghhh for him. She is a top contender at this point, almost a guaranteed home town.
ReplyDeleteAnd I would like to add one more thought about Amber, I'd like to nominate her for an extra point for already giving us the quote of the season, "she described it as warm and salty, not something I like in my mouth!" - Wonderful, simply wonderful!
The revelation that there is a 2nd version most likely spells disaster for our team. It depends a little on who it is, but the Virgin Theory makes sense, and it would not be a good thing for our team. Ashley I is pretty much our only hope and if she goes home before the Fantasy Suite, we're pretty much dead in the water. We based our entire draft on a guess that she was the virgin that made it to the final 3. I'll save my full assessment for once we know who the 2nd virgin is, but Ashley I certainly doesn't seem like an obvious final 3 based on her actions/personality/references to being a Kardashian, so I'm worried to say the least.
ReplyDelete