In Vegas I missed Melissa the most, Colorado the second most, and my DVR a close third. The Bachelor(ette) is borderline unwatchable without one. Fast-forwarding through the dozen commercial breaks and endless "COMING UP!" teasers is pretty much mandatory if you want to get through the two hours without a violent incident. It was far more enjoyable watching at home, stretched out on the couch with Melissa and Bailey, though I did miss the commentary of Andrea, Bag and Paul.
Synopsis
The first segment was an unnecessary fluff summary of Andi’s feelings for the final three guys. “Josh has the kind of personality that I think every woman would be attracted to,” she noted. “NO.” Melissa said firmly. “Speak for yourself.”
In the Dominican Republic, Andi and Nick
hopped into a helicopter and flew over the ocean and made out. “They keep
missing all the great views,” Melissa said as they continued to canoodle. They
went to a beach and went swimming, but not before the camera zoomed in on Nick's
hairless abdomen. They made out in the water for a while in their matching
swimsuits.
They had dinner at a resort and Nick read her a storybook he
wrote about them. Then he told her he loved her and they made out some more and
then they went to the fantasy suite and probably made out more and maybe a
lot more than that.
The very next morning Andi “climbed out of bed with one man
and went on a date with another,” in Melissa’s words. That man was Josh. “I
haven’t seen Andi in…it seems like more than a week,” he said as they left.
Josh turned out to be a pretty good Spanish speaker and was comfortable around
the Dominican kids they played baseball with. They ate (read: looked at) dinner,
then went to the fantasy suite.
Chris the farmer and Andi rode horses and played hide-and-seek. He hid like twenty feet away behind a leafless bush. Andi said that
was her favorite part of the day. It was definitely better than the next part
of the day, which was her crying and breaking up with him.
Chris Harrison and Andi recapped a bunch of crap we already knew. They decided to have a pointless rose ceremony where Chris pretended he
was going to fetch the farmer just to mess with Josh and Nick, who then got
roses from Andi.
Standings
Kelly & Phil: 39 points
+3 team bonus
Marcus looked pretty torn up in the "Men Tell All" preview. I'm fine with the Marcuses and Codys of the world on Bachelor in Paradise. But what's the plan for the next Bachelor? I could stomach the Josh/Nick loser but doubt ABC would choose either one. I'd love Marquel but he appears booked for that Paradise show. Dylan, Brian, JJ, etc. aren't options. I'm holding out hope for someone original, but the overwhelming favorite has to be...
Melissa & Tom: 35.5 points
Nick V: 26.5
We win if Nick wins and doesn't ask Andi to marry him, or asks Andi to marry him and she says yes. I'm 85% sure Andi has known it would be Nick for two months now, but Josh has always been that 15% option. The threat of him seducing Hy with 50-yard-line seats for UGA football is unsettling too. Not sure what you rose-colored glasses-wearers saw in Marcus - he was never interesting enough for Andi. If Nick wins, proposes, and gets rejected, the defending champs would beat us by half a point - pending an exhaustive scoring review.
Andrea & Zack: 32 points
Josh M: 27
Substitute "Josh" for "Nick" in the above paragraph and A to Z wins. However, I think Josh's chances of having a marriage proposal rejected are 5x Nick's. Nick isn't dangerous the way Josh is. I doubt it but Andi might actually be more intrigued by Josh and choose him - but she'll likely want a few months to make sure he's legit.
Bri & Doug: 30 points
It's irrelevant but I didn't give the farmer guy a -5 for "quitting the show for any reason other than failing to receive a rose at the ceremony." I also added a +2 to his score for saying "I love you" to the Bachelorette, a bonus I also added to Josh and Nick's scores. Marcus was previously awarded this bonus. Anyways...the farmer guy is likely to be the next Bachelor, I'm afraid. There's no other suitable option unless they pull someone out from the vault or get some fresh blood in there. Hopefully they will.
Andie & Eric: 13 points
Dregs: 9.5 points
I dunno about gambling on Bachelor in Paradise. With the cast returning from previous Bachelor(ette) seasons, A to Z and K&P would have a marked advantage. Actually, who am I kidding? It's August, there's nothing on TV, I'm sure I'm gonna end up watching this crap and gambling on it will make it thrice as fun. We'll watch an episode and then figure out how to bet on it.
Odds:
ReplyDeleteNick 65%
Josh 35%
1. Very significant: Andi noted how relieved she was when Josh told her he loved her. It's the second big clue showing how much she's into him. When I watch their interaction Josh doesn't look super comfortable. It's as if he's being interviewed and he's still trying to prove himself, or he's trying to be someone that he isn't. He's not 100% in love with her. But she's gaga.
2. Nick. She loves him and he loves her. Otherwise, it's not interesting.
3. Chris will be the next Bachelor. My Andie got mad and teared up when she let him go. She doesn't see anything interesting in Nick, and isn't a Josh fan. I'd have a really hard time watching next year if Nick or Josh was the next Bachelor. If they choose him, Chris will be more interesting than you think, but unless they have a fantastic screening process, there will be girls on the show that have no interest in moving to Iowa. That could make it a really tough season to cast.
4. This show was a snoozer. The only real drama was the 10 minute interruption warning of a tornado west of Philly. We missed the second half of Nick's date. I'm not expecting much excitement in the Finale.
5. Chris will be the most popular guy at the Men Tell All. Marcus will be #2.
6. I was disappointed to see Marcus as member of the Bachelor in Paradise show. It will be trashy and entertaining. You will think less of most participants on the show. It would be great if Jake and Vienna were on the show. When they launched Bachelor Pad I said there was no way I was watching that. But I watched it all.
7. I'm happy I've managed to avoid spoilers all season.
8. She could marry Nick. A Josh marriage is unlikely. Josh is in love with his brother.
We can't wait to see how this all plays out.
ReplyDeleteAs for the next bachelor, it better not be a member from this season's cast and I don't think it will. I know no spoilers but surely the execs can see that none of these men are even close to interesting or exciting.
Rose-colored-glasses?!?!? I believe you had Marcus #2 on your fantasy draft board, as did everyone, unless they had him 1. He wasn't the most interesting character on the show but he sure as heck was better for Andi than Josh or Chris, and and least not a couch like Josh and doesn't live in Iowa like Chris. I digress....
Let's gamble on this summer show, there is literally nothing else on...
We're happy Chris made it as far as he did. Especially considering that we don't think Andi has a chance at long term marriage success with any of the final 5. Chris racked up a decent amount of points, but ultimately our team was a little disappointing for our first showing. Maybe if Ron had stayed and earned us a few more, we would have placed a little higher.
ReplyDeleteI'm now hoping that Andi's dad completely Fs up everything and there is nothing but drama for the final episodes. It probably will not end up that way and instead stay on the boring path it has for the last couple weeks. Either way, GG all.
Also, I saw a tabloid headline the other day at King Soopers that said Andi got preggers on the night of the fantasy suite. That would be epic. Especially if she didn't know which one of the final two it was. Call Maury!