Episode 8

Professional poker players often refer to the day you're knocked out of the World Series of Poker Main Event as "the worst day of the year." There are a lot ways to cope with this elimination. Many players, like me, immediately get drunk. Some might hop in a low-stakes game and slough off chips for a few hours. Some just immediately leave town. So what did Paul Wasicka do this year when he got KO'd?

He drove home, went up to his room, and watched the latest episode of The Bachelorette. Without telling me. I had planned on watching it with him. He actually said it was good enough he'd watch it again with me, but that kind of fizzled and I finally got to it last night with Melissa.


Synopsis

Andi went and visited Nick in Milwaukee, which is an underrated town. They went to a market. Then they went to Lakefront Brewery, which is a legit cool micro, not the kind of swill Milwaukee is known for. So good job Nick, and another good job in arranging an "Andi & Nick" beer tap there. They drank beer and did the polka. Then they went and saw Nick's parents and his ten siblings. That's a lot of siblings, but Andi remembered all their names.

Iowa borders Wisconsin so it wasn't too far for Andi to go to see where the farmer guy lived. He took her on a tractor ride. Andi said he was "barley", which is what I sometimes call Bailey the Dog cause he's black and brown and his name is close to it. I think she meant "burly." She also said he was "the hottest farmer ever."

Chris jokingly told Andi she had an opportunity to be a homemaker if she lived in Arlington Iowa with him, then said she could be a district attorney in Cedar Rapids. I did a google maps search and found that it's 1hr 12 mins from Arlington, IA to Cedar Rapids. Melissa isn't a fan of the thirty minute commute she currently has so Chris and Andi might have to rethink that one. I can only imagine Andi's google map search was more discerning than mine. gg, Farmer.

Too bad, cause the Farmer made a nice play where he had a plane fly by with a streamer that said "CHRIS LOVES ANDI". Andi said it was "without a doubt the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me."

The farmer had a cool family that liked to play a hide n seek variant on their farm.

Then Andi headed down South to play baseball with Josh. She had a really good swing. We would definitely recruit her for co-ed softball if she lived in the Boulder area. They went to the Murray house where QB hero Aaron was the main focus. The Murray parents and little sister were there but Aaron's scorching-hot girlfriend was not.

Finally Andi headed over to Dallas to hang out with Marcus. He stripped for her and then they went to his mom's house to hang out with his family. Apparently they didn't know he was in town because they just walked into the house without a doorbell or a knock or a greeting and found them hanging out on the couch.

Marcus opted to tell his brother how important he'd been in his upbringing, something he'd never shared with him before, which was odd because it wasn't a private moment. In fact, it was filmed and then aired in an edited form on national television.

Even though Marcus is Texan, I'd felt like he had some Euro in him from the start. Identifying someone as Euro based on appearance and other limited information is an important ability for poker players, so I was thrilled to hear Marcus's mom start talking in what I believe was an Eastern European accent.

Everyone reconvened in "Chris Harrison's house" and Chris told them that Eric the Dead Explorer had died. Marcus went outside, breathing heavily. Josh pretended to be bummed out while Nick just looked bored.

At the rose ceremony, Andy ousted Marcus while some sparse Trent Reznor-style wind-blowing music played.


Standings

Kelly & Phil: 39 points
1. Marcus: 20
2. Brian: 11.5
3. Andrew: 4.5
+3 team bonus

The defending champs closed with a couple bogeys and now have to wait in the clubhouse to see how their competitors handle the back nine. I have no idea if Marcus was cool or dorky, I'm still unclear if he was humble or conceited, not sure if Andi gave him serious thought, and uncertain if his mother was from Eastern Europe or Central Asia. I do know I don't want to see him be the next Bachelor.


Bri & Doug: 27 points
1. Chris: 20
2. Patrick: 5
3. Ron: 2

Big episode from the farmer guy. He hasn't taken a misstep all season. Even that "homemaker" comment that appeared so damning in the trailer turned out to be a joke. He's everything a red-blooded American woman could desire. Having said that, he has zero chance of toppling Nick. Bri & Doug are technically still in the mix, but I just can't see the farmer actually winning this competition.


Melissa & Tom: 26.5 points
1. Nick V. 17.5
2. Nick S. .5
3. JJ 8.5

Here's the deal: if I computed all the scores correctly, if Nick gets through the fantasy suite night, if he receives the final rose and if he either asks Andi to marry him and she says yes or doesn't ask, we will win the pool. That's a lot of ifs, but I still like our chances.

Andrea & Zack: 23 points
1. Josh M: 18
2. Eric: 0
3. Marquel: 5

I believe everything I just wrote holds true for Josh M and A to Z as well, though they definitely need an accepted marriage proposal to pull this out.

Andie & Eric: 13 points
1. Dylan: 9
2. Tasos: 1.5
3. Craig: .5

Dregs: 9.5 points
Bradley: 2
Brett: 2
Carl: ..5
Cody: 5

What's the word on this Bachelor in Paradise thing? I'm too worried about spoilers to google it. Shall we have a pool? Shall we have a live draft at the Gondolier?