Synopsis
Andi said that it was difficult for her to meet men. Rrriiight. Then they showed her hanging out with her family. My favorite character from last season, Andi's dad Hy, made a brief appearance. Andi went to a mansion in Los Angeles to meet the guys. Bag noticed that the driveway was hosed off and is every season. They drove onto it with limos and guys started getting out.
Marcus “looked like a young Nicolas Cage” according to
Andrea.
Chris the Farmer quickly announced he was from Iowa. Redundant.
J.J. the Pantsapraneur referred to what was about to happen as a "Love Quest," which should really be the name of the show.
Marquel was the Obligatory Black Man.
Tasos was from Denver. He did something involving a key and
a fountain that was lost on me but Andi thought it was “adorable.”
Cody the personal trainer pushed the limo up the hill but Andi made fun of him for being out of breath. He did nothing to dissuade the
meathead stereotype.
Steven the “Snowboard Product Developer” acted as advertised.
Rudie made some weird legal joke I didn’t get.
Carl the Firefighter did nothing of note.
35-year-old Jason the Doctor “diagnosed” Andi as “pretty
hot” and stumbled inside.
Nick V. wore a polka-dot pie.
Dylan the accountant looked like one of the douches from
Desiree’s season.
Patrick made fun of Juan Pablo with a soccer ball but kicked
it rather well.
Emil called himself “Anal with an M.”
Brett the hairstylist entered with what Melissa called
“creepy clarinet music” and brought a lamp for no apparent reason.
Another dude from Denver, Craig, sprayed champagne; Melissa
said “[Andi's] not attracted to him.”
Bag quickly ID’d Ron the “Beverage Sales Manager” as a
bartender. He was sorta black and turned out to be from Israel and Barbados.
Bradley the opera singer was as awkward as Sharleen but not as elegant or intriguing.
Josh B. was immediately identified as “cute” by Melissa,
then turned out to be from Denver. Hmmmmmm.
Nick S. drove up in a golf cart. (bald joke)
Brian the basketball coach had four months to plan his entrance and went with a joke about tying his tie six times.
Andrew the social media guy (professional tweeter) said that Andy and Andi has a
nice ring to it.
Mike was an actual bartender, or maybe just wasn’t
pretentious enough to call himself a “Beverage Sales Manager.”
The hardest I have ever laughed watching this show came when
Eric arrived, titled as “Explorer.” Then Thursday I found out he was dead, so the joke was on me.
Josh M. had Andrea choking and fanning herself, but then she
took it back and blamed it on her new glasses.
They started drinking at the cocktail party and Bag said
“usually there’s someone who gets absolutely shitfaced.” But these guys kept it together.
The Obligatory Black Man brought cookies. “Does he make
these cookies or just eat them?” Melissa wondered. Tasos showed off his cosmopolitan nature by saying “I would
like a juice with ice cubes” in French. Patrick and Andrew swooned over each other, almost as hard
as they swooned over themselves.
Then a curveball – some dude from a past show walked up
wanting a piece of the action. Andi thought it over and decided it would be
unfair to the other guys, so she had Chris Harrison show him the door.
Andi gave the first impression rose to the nervous guy with
frizzy hair (Nick V.)
At the rose ceremony, Lamp Guy, MeatHead, Black Guy and
Sorta Black Guy got to stay but Andi bid adieu to Anal with an M, Bartender Not
Beverage Sales Manager, Male Attorney, Awkward Doctor and the Professional
Tweeter.
Draft Recap:
1. Kelly & Phil – Marcus
Marcus is obviously a top-caliber type of guy, as Patrick
would say. Andi was dumbfounded by his looks, but he also came off as humble –
and that humility will be the trait that keeps him around till the end of this
game.
2. Melissa & Tom – Nick V.
I’m just gonna call Nick V. “V.” as long as Nick S. hangs
around, because we wouldn’t want to confuse him with his balding compadre
(although V.’s hair is actually worse), and because we couldn’t possibly
confuse V. with someone else.
3. Bri & Doug – Chris
I can’t hate on this pick, though my immediate impression of
Chris was not favorable. I’m sure I was influenced by this wildly entertaining podcast, which suggested Chris might be an evil corporate farmer, not this kind of farmer. But Chris got a lot of screen time in the season teaser and is probably
good-looking and nice.
4. Andrea & Zack – Josh M.
Make no mistake about it, A to Z played to win this season. As much as I want to, I can’t rag on these picks. They went with risky players every step of the way. Too soon, Eric fans?
5. Andie & Eric – Dylan
I don’t know what to make of Dylan. He didn’t get much
screen time the first episode and has sort of a douchey haircut, but he also
likes Connect Four and Shawshank. We’ll see.
6. Bri & Doug – Patrick
High-caliber Patrick is 6’4”, makes money and can sail a
boat, but Andi has no tolerance for vanity. I don’t like his chances.
7. Andrea and Zack – Eric
I really thought Dead Explorer Eric was dropping to us at
the 10th pick where we would snap him up. Obviously he’s not winning,
but don’t be surprised if Eric tallies monster points. He checked all the boxes
in the first episode and got a lot of preview screentime.
8. Andie & Eric – Tasos
Tasos impressed in the first episode. For some reason he
doesn’t seem like champion material, but he’s intriguing.
9. Kelly & Phil – Brian
If you were stranded on a desert
island, what 3 things would you bring with you and why?
Brian – “The Bible, suncreen (sic) and a surf board. It'll keep me busy and safe.”
Brian – “The Bible, suncreen (sic) and a surf board. It'll keep me busy and safe.”
Nice pick guys.
10. Melissa & Tom – Nick S.
Nick S. was our favorite player in the game, but I didn’t
see him in any teasers. I wouldn’t be stunned if he’s ousted next week, but
there was no way we could pass him up at #10.
11. Andie & Eric – Craig
Craig has a forgettable 11th place finish written
all over him.
12. Andrea & Zack – Marquel
Marquel is the most boom-bust player in the game. It would
have been easy to have gone with one of the next three guys, but Bagdrea isn’t
here to play safe.
13. Melissa & Tom – JJ
I think the title “Pantsapreneur” cost JJ 6 spots in the
draft. The man is 6’5” and wears size 14 shoes. What’s not to like here?
14. Kelly & Phil – Andrew
Andrew briefly thought he was going 8th to
A&E before they switched to Tasos. This was the right place for the Capable Douchebag.
15. Bri & Doug – Ron
I like Ron. He goes seven spots higher if he’s white.
My thoughts:
ReplyDelete1. There is a 78% chance Marcus or Nick V will win this thing. Having one of the top 2 picks was key.
2. There is a 12% chance Dylan wins. Why? I'm not quite sure, other than I had a note that she said he was hot during episode 1. He was also one of 12 guys featured on the website and he was likable, other than the hair. I have no idea who else could win. Josh M could win if he wasn't a meat head.
3. There is a 0% chance Chris wins, but he could score a lot of points. He could wind up as the next Bachelor or on a reality show on E! with Tori Spelling and Ian Ziering.
4. There's a 50% chance I could be last if Dylan doesn't go top 3. If so, I'll deserve a lot of heckling from Bag.
5. My strategy was to pick people who had a chance to win but then I varied from it when I picked Tasos. He has zero chance of winning but could be top 5. Andie likes him and she liked the bridge lock idea.
6. Another Andi(e) that I know was on that bridge on her honeymoon.
7. I picked Tasos because I was embarrassed to pick an unknown who will likely flame out, which is exactly what I did with my last pick (Craig). I don't remember him from the show, but he was one of 12 guys featured online and seemed like a good guy. There is a also a track record of accountants from Colorado marrying Andi(e)s. When it was reported that Melissa said Andi didn't like him, I knew this was a huge long shot, but there wasn't much left.
8. I'm surprised Andrew feel to 14th. He's an idiot but he could be top 5. He's like Evan Turner. He can score a lot of points but nobody really wants him on their team.
9. Among the dregs Cody & Carl could easily be top 10. Carl is a sleeper.
10. Someone could get kicked off for fighting in the next 2 weeks. Marquel?
11. Brian has a 3% chance of winning and he was an excellent pick at #9 by K&P. K&P also have Andrew. They are monster favorites unless Nick S discovers some crazy chemical formula to ignite a spark in Andie and score points for M&T. That's the same team that fell asleep at the wheel and picked the pants guy over Evan Turner.
12.** Did B&D really take Patrick in the 6th spot? Really awful. He has the cockiness of Andrew without the charm. Andie will quickly see right through him (if she bothers to look at him). And Ron, too? Bag, were you consulting for this team? If I'm not last it will be this team.
13. Andrea & Zack are strong favorites to finish second. They've got 3 players capable of scoring a lot of points but none with a chance of winning.
14. We just moved into our new place and won't have cable/internet til Tuesday night so I'll be on a delayed viewing schedule. For the first time in 3 years we'll have cable TV.
**all in jest