Episode 4

Synopsis

They went to South Korea. Six of the girls went on a group date where they were backup singers for a K-Pop band called 2NE1, who spoke better English than half the girls on the show. "This is like, the coolest, it’s, like, my childhood dream, to, like, be a backup dancer for, like, a huge pop star," Chelsie said.

Then they went to the Korea Furniture Museum for drinks with Juan Pablo. "It definitely feels good to, you know, have conversations and have feelings," Kat said. JP gave Nikki the rose.

For some reason they showed JP taking a shower. I guess they were trying to show how much he was sweating during the K-Pop dancing. Or maybe that he was taking special care to clean up for Sharleen? I dunno, it was weird, they really showed him rubbing and scrubbing. 

JP and Sharleen went on a date in a market in Seoul. They ate some different stuff, then went to a quiet tea house. Sharleen sang five seconds of opera for JP and then they made out. Then she gave him her biggest compliment so far, saying he was "not bland."

There was another big group date. Clare had a conniption fit over eating a small piece of fried octopus. Then they went to a wooden hut where little fish ate their feet. But not like piranhas, more like sparanhas or pedicanhas. There was a fuss over kissing afterwards. To recap:

1. Renee wanted to kiss JP and tossed out a line encouraging him to do so, but he didn't because he's trying to set a good example for his daughter (which is why he went on The Bachelorette and The Bachelor - to find her a wholesome stepmother).
2. JP wanted to kiss Andi but didn't, but then gave her the rose.
3. Lauren straight-up asked to kiss JP but he said no and she started crying.
4. Even though Clare had vowed not to kiss JP for a while and had thrown up in her mouth while eating the octopus, she kissed him.

Nikki butted into Clare's conversation with JP at the cocktail party. At the rose ceremony, JP said hasta luego to Lauren and Elise.

Standings

Schwartzes: 17.5 points
Andi: 5.5
Chelsie: 6
Cassandra: 6

Chelsie and Cassandra are too green to win, but Andi's a player. She might not be as sophisticated as Sharleen or as sympathetic as Renee, but she's got a sharpness no one else can match. Now she just needs to show JP a few maternal characteristics.


Kelly & Phil: 16.5 points
Alli: 4.5
Nikki: 6.5
Kat: 5.5

Between the "ooh! look at me!" routine on the dance floor and the alcoholic father sob story, Kat wound up looking like a peacock for the first time. She and Alli could be out of the mix sooner rather than later. But JP obviously likes Nikki, whose disdain for some of the other girls displayed the social selectivity JP secretly covets.   


MoonBee: 14 points
Clare: 8.5
Sharleen: 5
Chantel: .5

Every scene with Sharleen is enthralling. Her intensity is overwhelming. It's like watching a different program when she's alone with JP. She's like a character out of an Ayn Rand epic in a sea of People Magazine cut-outs. JP is mesmerized. Watching The Bachelor reminds me of that scene in Jurassic Park where they feed the T-Rex a goat.



JP doesn't want to be fed goats. He wants to hunt the Big Game. Sharleen is Big Game.


The Dregs: 11.5 points
Danielle: 4
Kelly: 5.5
Lucy: 2

Neither of these girls gets any airtime, so we know they're both drawing dead. They'll probably be the next two to go. But barring a Victorian meltdown, this team will easily finish with more points than A to Z. Unfortunately, it's four weeks too late to write off that charitable contribution on 2013 taxes. Don't forget that one fourteen months from now, A & Z.


A to Z: 6.5 points
Elise: 3
Lauren: 3.5
Amy: 0

Oh my. I've seen Bag draft a lot of crappy reality show teams over the years, but this has to go down as the worst ever. Seven girls have been eliminated since we started the pool and three of them are on this team. The Dregs - the three girls nobody drafted - still have two players left. The Dregs are likely going to double this team's output!  The show is going to conclude in May. It's January, and A to Z has been eliminated from the pool. Melissa just said "you guys should have another tier to the bet - whoever loses to Zack should have an extra big penalty." I could go on, and I will. This joke of a team is going to be the gift that keeps on giving, all season long and into the future. Years from now I'll still be celebrating the record-breaking putridity of these three girls.


Greenbergs: -1.5 points
Renee: 4
Victoria: -7.5
Christy: -2

The juxtaposition of Renee and Lauren's failed bids at kissing JP was illuminating. Don't think JP doesn't pick up on the ways Renee tightrope-walks vulnerability and confidence, care and coolness, insight and discretion, motherhood and The Bachelor. JP picks up on everything. Even if he can't find chemistry with Renee, he owes it to himself to give her every last chance. There are smart girls on the show, but Renee comes closest to matching JP's staggering social intellect.