Finale

Synopsis

On a cold, rainy night Melissa, Bailey and I convened with some tomato basil soup (from Safeway – I didn’t make it) and grilled cheese in front of the couch for the three-hour Bachelorette finale.  Rachel came out to watch the show with Chris Harrison and a studio audience. “I’m used to watching it by myself, I haven’t seen this yet, and yeah, it’s my first time seeing it and I’m used to, like I said, watching by myself,” she said. They ran a commercial and then announced Juan Pablo had gotten married. It wasn’t to Nikki who he chose at the end or anyone from the show. Harrison asked Rachel some ominous questions about Peter and she gave some ominous answers. Then some ominous music played as the actual show started. Rachel cried. Peter thanked her for her emotions. She gave him an invitation to the fantasy suite. Peter accepted. “And so, I, I will take this and hope that you allow me to take this,” he said. “I will,” Rachel said. “Allow you to take my panties off,” Melissa finished for her.

Bryan ad Rachel rode horses matching their skin tones through a vineyard. They had a conversation which brought out anxiety in Rachel. Harrison asked Rachel if she nearly broke up with Peter before fantasy suites and she said she almost did. Bryan admitted there was “something a bit off” before the evening portion of his date with Rachel, but he too got to go to the fantasy suite with Rachel. “I really feel like last night brought us a lot closer together,” Rachel said the next morning. Bryan expressed confidence about how it went and proudly strutted out of the suite. It was the opposite of a Walk of Shame.

Rachel made a “poor dress choice” according to Melissa for the Spanish Rose Ceremony. She approved of Peter’s blue suit. Rachel did too, apparently – she kept him and got rid of Eric. He made a classy exit and cried a little on the airport ride through the Spanish countryside. Then he came into the studio and asked Rachel how her heart was. She said it was good. There was a preview for a show called “The Good Doctor” which predictably intrigued Melissa.

Bryan and Rachel took a hot air balloon ride, then made out on a sofa. Bryan gave Rachel a personalized English/Spanish dictionary and they made out some more. Rachel wore a camouflage jacket to a date with Peter in a monastery. They talked in broken English with a Spanish monk before having an intense conversation in a windowsill that made Rachel cry. That evening Peter told Rachel he was in love with her but wasn’t ready to ask her to marry him. She cried once again, and after a long struggle over his refusal to propose on the next day, he cried too and they appeared to break up.

Peter came into the studio and I made a Just For Men joke. He talked with Chris Harrison and Rachel while I looked at Twitter reactions to Quincy Enunwa’s season-ending injury. Rachel said she cried her eyelashes off that night. Peter expressed a lot of frustration and sadness. He said he had to look at Rachel’s eyelashes on the floor for days afterwards.

Neil the Ring Guy helped Bryan pick out an engagement ring. Then Bryan got a ride up to a castle on a windy hill where Rachel was waiting for him. He told Rachel their first kiss was a like a “chemistry bomb had just exploded” and some other stuff but it was hard to hear over the wind. Rachel told him she loved him and couldn’t imagine spending her life with anyone else. Bryan asked her to marry him and she said yes.

Bryan then came into the studio and immediately asked Rachel to marry him again for some reason. She accepted again. They revealed Bryan had been going under the alias “Jerome” the last few months. Then there was a long trailer for Bachelor in Paradise. The highlight was Chris Harrison running into the ocean with a lifeguard ring while wearing a tuxedo.

Standings

Andie & Eric - 46

1. Bryan - 27

2. Alex - 10

3. Adam - 8

4. Blake - 1
Ultimately this was the best team and the Schwartzes deserve credit for drafting it. Most would have drafted Bryan with the first pick but the Alex/Adam combo was crucial. The Schwartzes are back on top after back-to-back last-place finishes.

Melissa & Tom - 39

1. Peter - 28

2. Josiah - 7

3. Fred - -1

4. Bryce - 2
+3 last team standing bonus

I didn't dock Peter any points for exiting before the final rose. It wasn't exactly "premature and involuntary", nor was it "prematurely on one's own accord" which would have entailed a 3-pt bonus. In this case it wouldn't have mattered, and won't matter even if Peter is surprisingly named next Bachelor.

Julia & Paul - 31

1. Dean - 21

2. Anthony - 7

3. Brady - 2

4. Blake - 1
I still think Dean will be next Bachelor, though his stint in Paradise could affect that. If it's not Dean, then who? No one else from this season stands out and it's tough to think of a previous fellow who might be suitable. 

Andrea & Zack - 29

1. Eric - 23

2. Will - 7

3. Jamey - 1

4. DeMario - -2
Good run for Eric. Outside of Dean he wound up being the most charismatic, watchable contestant this season. I can't see them going with a black Bachelor after Rachel's season, though. She stands as my favorite Bachelor(ette) of the seasons I've watched.

Kelly & Phil - 17

1. Jack - 3

2. Matt - 7

3. Lee - 6

4. Blake - 1
Whether or not a marriage proposal should be necessary to determine a winner could be debated endlessly - even more endlessly than Rachel and Peter debated it - but I think it's irrelevant. The only question is whether she liked Peter more than Bryan. If she did, then she made a terrible choice. I doubt she did, though. Things wrapped up pretty smoothly. I suppose we'll never know for sure.
 

Bri & Doug - 16

1. Kenny - 10

2. Iggy - 5

3. Diggy - 3

4. DeMario - -2
We have a few rules to straighten out before next season. We have " 'Saying I love you' or 'I'm falling in love with you' directly to the Bachelor" worth two points currently. This season I didn't mark it because it can be ambiguous and all the relevant characters ended up saying it anyways. We should decide if we want this rule to continue, if we want the 3-point first kiss of the season bonus to continue (usually someone kisses on opening night making this irrelevant), if we should make a season-specific bonus, and if there are any other rule changes worth considering.