Episodes 4 & 5

Synopsis

Episode Four

The girls expressed shock and concern over Corinne’s behavior with Nick. Vanessa took a stand on Nick’s behavior with Corinne. Sarah and Taylor confronted Corinne. “You do you, you do you, you go girl,” Corinne said. “You do you. I’m’a do me.”

At the rose ceremony Corinne scratched near her eye for about six seconds, much like Bailey does. Melissa noted the size of Josephine’s lips. “I feel really nervous,” the travel nurse said. “You should,” Melissa said. The travel nurse cried. Corinne obviously got the final rose. “I love the taste of victory,” Corinne said and bit her rose. Nick got rid of the travel nurse who cried again and another one whose name we couldn’t remember. She cried also.

“He’s only keeping the ones he has potential with,” Josephine said. “Not you,” I said even though she’s on our team. I’m just happy she got this far. They went to Milwaukee. Nick met his parents in a coffeeshop. “He’s way taller than his dad,” I observed. “Is that dad-dad or stepdad?” Melissa asked. We weren’t sure. The conversation made it seem like it was dad-dad. Nick’s mom cried. Nick cried also.

Danielle L and Nick made cookies and made out. Then they ran into someone Nick had dated for “three or four months.” It was hard to tell if their conversation was awkward or not. Nick continued his autobiography of his romance history with a trip to a grassy hill where Nick used to make out with girls. Then he made out with Danielle L on the grassy hill. At night Danielle L told Nick her parents were divorced. “Do you see this??” Melissa asked. “Her nip is about to pop out of her dress.” Melissa spent about a minute trying to rewind and pause the video at a moment she claimed the nip was visible. “Are we in seventh grade?” I asked. They went to a concert of a pop country guy who sang a lot of high notes.

Most of the girls went to a farm where Nick was feeding baby cows milk to drink. They tried to milk cows. Nick was bad at it. “It was discouraging,” Jaimi said, then correctly milked. Then they shoveled poop. Kind of like our DFS lineups that night. Corinne gave up. Nick hinted at a future date to Kristina. Corinne grabbed her boobs and made a creamed corn analogy. Vanessa showed Nick a nice book her students had made for her. That sequence reminded me of the Trump/Obama juxtaposition. Kristina dropped a “right reasons” to Corinne. Kristina also added the date rose.

Nick and Raven took a walk to a girls soccer game. It was Nick’s little sister Bella’s game. They tried to be goalies for the girls. They were both bad at being goalies. Nick’s parents were at the game. Bella scored a goal. They went roller skating with Bella. They played arcade games. Then they had dinner at the Milwaukee Art Museum where I once had lunch. Raven told Nick about the time she found out she was being cheated on. She remembered a lot of details. Corinne and Taylor had a long boring conversation which I used as an opportunity to check the WSOP schedule.


Episode Five

Bri & Doug have a fantastic U-shaped couch which allowed them, Andrea, Zack, Melissa, Blaze the dog and myself a comfortable seat with a clear view of the 5th episode of Nick V's turn as The Bachelor. Turbo the dog was unable to find a seat on the couch and walked around the couch in what I interpreted as frustration. Corinne & Taylor had a spat. Corinne dropped a “Right Reasons.” Taylor dropped a “Wrong Reasons.” Andrea, Bri, Zack and Corinne simultaneously swilled wine glasses. Corinne complained about Taylor to Nick. “Corinne is gonna be so amazing on Bachelor in Paradise,” Doug said. “Oh I just want to punch her in the face!” Andrea said and then punched the air.

At the rose ceremony, Danielle M got the couch’s approval. Zack said there was “no chance” Corinne would go home. “Zero,” he clarified after I asked. Corinne did get a rose. Astrid & Sarah did not. They were both on Bri & Doug’s team. They handled the losses well. Sarah did not: she cried.

Turbo finally got on the couch and immediately made out with Andrea. “Cosmo wants to lick me 45 times in a row,” Andrea said. “I counted.” They went to New Orleans (Nick and the ladies, not Andrea & Cosmo). Alexis shook her fake boobs before making a Game of Thrones reference. “Everytime I watch this show it makes me want to lift weights,” Andrea said, then suggested Zack should host the show because he has “the same personality” as Chris Harrison.

Tom gets up to use the bathroom. Melissa steals his computer. Bri wonders how Tom is going to quote everyone when he is in the bathroom. Everyone else makes bets on who will be on the 2 on 1 (Corinne and Taylor – duh!). Doug made popcorn. The conversation quickly turned to president Donald Trump. The couch was not pleased it would have to spend more money on avocadoes, among other reservations.

Nick & Rachel went to a market and ate hot sauce. Then they ate beignets. Andrea was reminded of “the worst coffee of my life” she’d had from Café du Monde. Then they danced in a parade (Nick and Rachel, not Andrea and the worst coffee). Then they danced in a bar. Neil the Ring Guy showed up in a commercial which Doug didn’t fast forward through. Perhaps because he works in the industry he likes commercials. Nick and Rachel went to a garage full of mardi gras floats to have dinner. They both drank beers which some of us found impressive. Nick talked about meeting Rachel’s parents without using “if”. Nick said he might be “breaking rules” but that he was “super into” Rachel. The couch strongly praised Rachel. I hurriedly wrote down as many compliments as I could: 

• “smart”
• “normal temperament”
• “attorney”
• “great arms”
• “flip flops instead of crazy-ass stilettos”

They showed some of the girls without makeup. Danielle L took a moment to recognize. Corinne and Danielle M looked better. “Josephine looks like John Elway,” Zack said. The group date was announced, making it apparent Corinne & Taylor would be going on a 2-on-1 date later. Zack and I bet an upcoming Hungry Toad bill on who would win. I took Taylor, he took Corinne. “Corinne is gonna f***ing go home,” Andrea said confidently. But she turned down Zack’s offer of a $20 bet on it. Zack suggested a dog walk as the stakes. Andrea said that was a man’s job. “I don’t smash the patriarchy in that regard,” she said. Within seconds Zack had been identified as “The King of White Male Privilege” before the term was extended to Doug and me. Then the couch heaped praise on the leadership and looks of Justin Trudeau.

The big group date was at a haunted house. They pulled out a Ouija board which Doug called a “woojee” board. I checked DFS. Zack Randolph got off to a slow start. Zack Sanders called Whitney “the poor man’s Vanessa.” Danielle M and Vanessa bonded. Nick tickled Danielle M. Raven told Nick about the moment she “fell in love” with him. It wasn’t enough to get the rose. Danielle M got it.

Corinne & Taylor went on two-on-one date in a swamp. A large man in a black tank-top drove the boat. Doug made a Deliverance joke. They met up with voodoo people including a priestess who brought them to a tarot card reader. Corinne called Taylor a “big mean swamp monster.” Nick started a serious conversation with Taylor. “I can taste that Boddington’s now,” Zack said in reference to the Hungry Toad bet. I usually get a Speckled Hen and Zack usually gets a Boddington's. The tarot card reader asked Corinne if she had any questions. “How do you make a voodoo doll specific to a person?” Corinne asked. Taylor said Nick’s relationship with Corinne would be built on “like, whipped cream and lies.” “#whippedcream&lies” Zack said. Corinne won the two-on-one date. Taylor got rubbed with oil by the voodoo people. Corinne aggressively made fun of Taylor to a rose. “She’s turning into a Trump,” Bri said. The show ended with Taylor dramatically interrupting Corinne & Nick at dinner.

Standings

Julia & Paul - 32
Raven - 9
Jasmine - 7
Whitney - 6
Jaimi - 7
+3 last team standing bonus
Big turn of events here. The defending champs have surged to the lead on the wings of Raven and a solid supporting cast. However, Raven is going to be this whole team sooner rather than later. She's a contender for hometowns, but has ground to make up on the leading contenders to go any deeper.

Andie & Eric - 25

Danielle M - 9

Alexis - 7

Brittany - 4

Astrid - 5

Alexis is nearing the end of her run, but Danielle is rock solid. The NICU Nurse is heading to hometowns at the least.

Bri & Doug - 25

Danielle L - 8

Sarah - 6

Kristina - 6

Astrid - 5

Does Danielle L have as much potential as the other top contenders? I'm not sure. She's strong in group scenarios, but the chemistry seemed to peter out in her one-on-one with Nick. Kristina isn't a bad second banana though.

Kelly & Phil - 23

Corinne - 12

Christen - 4

Hailey - 2

Astrid - 5
This team is quickly disintegrating. Even if Corinne does defy the odds and make it deep, K&P will have a hard time hanging in with just one player.

Melissa & Tom - 19

Rachel - 9

Taylor - 5

Liz - -1

Josephine - 6

Rachel had an extremely strong one-on-one and is likely to either win or be next Bachelorette. But will it be enough? Josephine will likely be out at the next rose ceremony and we're already 13 points back of Julia & Paul. I don't see it happening this season for us.

Andrea & Zack - 9

Vanessa - 7

Lacey - 1

Elizabeth - 1

Could A to Z have picked the overall winner and still get last in the pool? It's in play for sure.