Episode 3

Synopsis

Juan Pablo and Cassandra went on a date in a strange-looking jeep. Cassandra wondered if they were going off-roading even though she was already wearing a swimsuit. Elise said she felt like she was in a “castle with a perfect guy” even though she’s actually in a reality show with 26 other girls in a mansion in Los Angeles. The jeep turned into a boat and JP drove it across the ocean to a yacht.

Then they cooked dinner at his house. Then they ate the dinner and looked at pictures of their kids. Juan Pablo had no idea what a malted milk ball was.

The group date was a soccer game at a stadium so ABC could show off JP’s skills, but really so he could analyze the girls’ athleticism. Sharleen kept on getting smacked with the ball. Then there was a cocktail party at the stadium. Andi made a reference to a “hot kitchen” as Dr. Mario fans may have noticed. 

Elise would not shut up about how young and immature Chelsie is.

Chelsie and JP went bungee-jumping off a bridge. Chelsie said it was “like a highdive on crack.” I’m confused, Chelsie is a highdiver? And she smokes crack? Chelsie was scared to do it then looked like she was gonna do it then got scared again. Melissa said “they’re gonna do it though, cause we’ve seen them” (in the previews). This is why we always fast-forward through the gratuitous “coming up” trailers. They show everything that has happened and will ever happen on the show.

Some country guy played a couple songs. Chelsie knew who he was but I didn’t even though I heard the song one time on the radio.

JP went over to the house early in the morning to surprise the girls with breakfast, but really to see what they looked like without makeup. To me and many guys this was the most exciting moment in the show thus far. Kelly hid her face like she was a leper. Renee and Clare and Kat looked pretty much the same as normal.

Christy and Lucy were not given roses at the ceremony.

Standings

Schwartzes: 12 points

Andi: 3

Chelsie: 4.5

Cassandra: 4.5

Would Juan Pablo marry a girl who listens to country? I don’t think so. But Chelsie would make a decent stepmom. Cassandra is cruising towards a 6^th place finish while Andi is in it to win it.

Kelly & Phil: 11 points

Alli: 3

Nikki: 4

Kat: 4

Looked like everyone on this team passed JP's athleticism and no-makeup tests. I think this is the best team.

MoonBee: 9.5 points

Clare: 7

Sharleen: 2

Chantel: 0.5

Clare’s mini-panic at the pool party is a good example of why the show should be one hour instead of two. That was a non-story. Sharleen looked like she'd never kissed a boy before.

The Dregs: 6.5 points

Danielle: 2.5

Kelly: 4

Lucy: 3

It’s been two full episodes and The Dregs are a point ahead of A to Z’s awful team and a whopping 9.5 points ahead of Team Renee.

A to Z: 5.5 points

Elise: 2.5

Lauren: 3

Amy: 0

The good news for this team is that Elise is probably going on a one-on-one date next week. The bad news for this team is that Elise is probably going on a one-on-one date next week.

Greenbergs: -3 points

Renee: 2.5

Victoria: -7.5

Christy: 2

Renee is always the consoler of the lonely. She’s by far the most mature woman on the show. She’s the #1 contender, but can a one-woman arm carry this team back into the competition?