Episode 8

Bri and Doug were patient enough to wait for me after a hectic day. How bad is Denver rush hour?!? I have renewed empathy for all of you who deal with this daily.

Anyway, Becca meets Garrett in a vineyard somewhere in California. Bri and I are jealous that he got to grow up in a vineyard. His family owns an “agricultural business”. These used to be called “farms”. Garrett shows Becca how to mass-plant a field of tomatoes and they make-out in the tractor. Next they plant a rose bush and drink an unknown substance under a tree. They talked more about his divorce and I ate more of my pad thai that Tom made.

They head into town and meet Garrett’s very large family. Bri notes that his sister-in-laws eyeshadow is intense. Garrett gets a talking to from his big sister. She cries because she loves him and doesn’t want him to get hurt again. His dad says the same thing to Becca. Apparently they don’t want him to move on? Garrett’s mom is described as a mama bear which appears to be true and officially terrifies Bri.

Bri doesn’t see how she couldn’t pick Garrett at this point. For the sake of my team and his heart, I hope she is right.

Doug treats us right and tops our wine off.

Next is Jason in Buffalo NY. He looks very New York/Mafia as he talks about “what a special place this is.” They immediately participate in a wing eating contest. That’s a tough first stop. She doesn’t force it though. Next to a hockey rink so he can show off. He was “born with skates on his feet” which sounds incredibly painful for his poor mother. They sit and talk/kiss on the bleachers while the zamboni does its thing. Then they move to the hood of the zamboni and I feel awkward for the driver.

They move on to meet the folks (mom, dad, bro and bro-in-law). Immediately Jason’s dad takes his son away for a talk. He is less God-fathery than expected. Jason’s mom breaks the news to Jason that she’s not going to pick him. I’m not sure he heard it tho. He tells her he loves her. Poor guy…

Next I see deer butts so I assume they are in Bailey, CO. It’s snowing quite hard which makes me glad that they world is seeing CO this way. They meet under a quaint little covered bridge. They go to Platte Canyon high school. I was fearful they would talk about the school shooting and he did. This makes me sad because CO also has an unfortunate reputation for mass/school shootings. His mom was the one to announce it over the intercom. Fucking Terrifying. They have one more stop and we are hoping it’s the hot dog stand. It’s not. Instead they go into a crowded gymnasium and everyone cheers while someone sings on stage that happens to be Becca’s favorite singer.

Before they step inside to meet the family they have another quiz on names. Bri notes that his family has already been boozing and the food is getting cold. Blakes mom’s hair is “something” - per Bri. Bri remembers that Blakes mom cheated on his dad and wound up with his coach and teacher which gave us a chuckle as we see the faces.

Moving from deer to antelope we arrive in Parker CO, Colton’s hometown. We deduce that it’s Spring in CO based on the weather and the blossoms. First stop is the Children’s Hospital to deliver gifts to the cutest kids in the world. Smart move on Coltons part - seeing him with kids was pretty heart-melting. They sit on a bench and discuss their relationship. I can’t imagine things ending well for him in the long run.

Next stop is the family. They seem nice. Colton says he and his dad have a coach/player type of relationship. He looks more like a coach than the actual coach at Blake’s house. Bri thinks his dad seems like a douche. His dad tells Becca to let him go now if she thinks its not going that way. Colton discusses his virgin status with his mom, which felt weird, and he confesses that he’s in love with Becca. Doug says she looks like a football players mom, “she’s not a petite lady,” Bri adds. Doug is obviously uncomfortable by the conversation Colton had with his mom.

Back in LA, Becca waffles about her decision tonight and consults her Bachelorette girl-friends. They decide that since Jason is “the best kisser in the world” he must go on fantasy suites. IN THE MIDDLE of her story about Colton, Tia pulls her aside and reveals that she still has feelings for him. That’s awkward.

There is a very awkward conversation with Chris and Colton where he basically asks  for permission to not have sex with Becca in the fantasy suite. Becca is fighting back tears as she gives her little “pre-speech” and Blake, Jason and Garrett get roses. Sending poor Colton and his virgin self home. The rest of the guys head to Thailand.

The Teams look like this:

Andie and Eric are the first out of the game but locking up what may be a solid second place finish. Impressive choosing everyone! We got down to the final 4 with everyone still with a contestant! That’s not to say that all of our teams are alive… Julia and Paul are the obvious winners leaving me at least 50 points in the dust!! Ouch!