Synopsis
Hometowns
Arie and Kendall went to Los Angeles to do some taxidermy on a pair of white rats. Shortly after, they made out. Then they went to hang out with her mom, dad, identical twin sister and little brother. Arie told anyone who would listen he was “falling for” Kendall. The identical twin impressed Melissa. The identical twin told Kendall she didn’t see it working out with Arie. Kendall told Arie she was “falling for” him.
Then Arie went to Weiner. He drove cars in the mud with Tia.
Then they drank beers. Then they went to her parents house. Tia’s dad called
Arie “Arry” like it rhymed with Harry. Tia’s older brother confronted Arie
about being a playboy. Tia’s dad confronted Arie about being a playboy. “I’ve
never dated anyone who actually communicates with me,” Tia said.
Arie went to Minnesota to meet Becca at an apple orchard.
After spending some time at the orchard, Arie and Becca met up with her mom,
her Uncle Gary, and some other people who were seldom shown. Uncle Gary
questioned Arie’s faith. “Spiritually, I’m not as far as long as Becca is,”
Arie explained. “But I’m open to it.”
From there Arie traveled southeast to Virginia Beach to
visit Lauren B’s family. They had a large house. Inside it was her parents and
perhaps others – I don’t recall. They had a predictably boring meeting. At the
Rose Ceremony, Arie questioned Kendall’s commitment and then gave her the final
rose, eliminating Tia. The Arkansan wept profusely.
The Women Tell All
Melissa, Bailey, an excellent mushroom & wild rice soup
Melissa made, a Tommyknocker Cocoa Porter and I settled into the chilly
basement for the Women Tell All event of what Chris Harrison called an “exciting, dramatic and controversial season" of The Bachelor. “What?” Melissa asked
incredulously. "It has been?” They introduced all the rejected women from this
season, a few of whom we recognized. I wondered again why Arie got rid of
Seinne, who was clearly a top-3 choice. There was a season recap which included
Annaliese’s bumper car nightmare-flashback, Marikh using a compass as a mirror
on a hike, Tia throwing Bekah under the bus and Krystal being bitchy. Melissa
quickly got on Facebook after finishing her meal while I texted with Toph, who joked
he wanted to use this epic cross-country color commentary call as his wife
delivered their first child.
There was a montage of Krystal’s bitchiest behavior as a
flabbergasted Bibiana was unable to close her mouth. Many women lambasted
Krystal, particularly Caroline, who yelled so hard she started crying. Jacqueline
managed to use several double-digit-letter words in her tirade. Then Chris
Harrison interviewed Bekah, who recounted her time as a missing person on a
marijuana farm in northern California. They called Bekah’s mom and Chris Harrison
told her he could relate cause he was a parent. “Chris Harrison is a dad?” I
asked. “Chris Harrison has had sex?” Melissa wondered.
Next up was Tia, who shed some fresh tears upon watching her
montage. We caught up to live on the DVR and switched over to the Johnsonville
Cornhole Championships on ESPN2, where the competitors were competing for a
“high-stakes” prize pool of $15,000. The color commentator said it was the
toughest competition he had ever seen. It turned out to be boring so we soon switched
back to Women Tell All.
Arie came on and received a cryptic dissing from Caroline
before talking with Tia, Bekah and Krystal. There was a blooper segment which actually
made it seem like Arie had a personality. Then there was a transparent plug for
a lousy-looking movie called Blockers. Then there was a big preview for the last
two episodes of the season. Chris Harrison promised it was “truly the most
dramatic ending in Bachelor history.”
Fantasy Suites
They went to a desert/ocean in Peru. “I’m going to get to
know these women on a whole new level,” Arie said. “Inside and out,” Melissa
added. Kendall was driven in a dark car across the desert, which reminded
Melissa of Breaking Bad which would be a better way to spend our time even
though we’ve already seen it. Melissa happily finished her glass of chocolate
milk which is her new favorite dessert. Arie and Kendall drove dune buggies in
the sand dunes and then laughed very hard and then boarded down the dunes and
then had a picnic. At night Kendall cried to the cameras before conversing with
Arie and telling him she was falling in love with him and making out with him. They
went to the fantasy suite.
Arie and Lauren B took a plane ride over geoglyphs in Peru.
Melissa and I thought they were pretty cool and googled them. They had a very boring conversation at night while I entered
FanDuel tournaments. Arie told Lauren he loved her. They made out while “How Do
I Live (Without You)” played. “That’s what Lauren’s gonna be asking herself in a
few days,” I said. They went to a fantasy suite also but it was a different one
from the one Arie went to with Kendall.
Next Becca went on a catamaran to an island. I paid minimal
attention while they conversed with Becca eventually telling Arie she loved him
and Arie reciprocating. They went to a third fantasy suite which turned out to
be a tent in the desert. In the morning they continued to hang out in the
desert and tell each other they loved each other.
A man with a gray suit and a southern accent showed up. Arie
thought he was a member of hotel management but the man quickly announced
himself to be Becca’s ex. He said Becca was the love of his life and he wanted
to marry her. “I came here to get her cause she’s the one for me,” he stated. Arie
thought it was “one of the unclassiest” moves he’d seen. The man then went to
see Becca. He tried to make a Notebook-style speech winning her back but failed
miserably and left in embarrassment. Obviously Becca cried. Then she went and
talked to Arie who noted it was bad timing because the Rose Ceremony was
approaching. At that Rose Ceremony, which Melissa noted was on cobblestones and
attended by three women in high heels, Arie quickly got rid of Kendall. She
cried a little bit in the hearse, but didn’t seem too bummed overall. There was
a big preview for “the incredibly emotional three-hour finale” to end it.
Standings
Julia & Paul - 85 points
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5. Lauren B - 26
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Kelly & Phil - 82 points
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3. Becca - 25
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It's Lauren B vs Becca for all the marbles, and it's close. I can't imagine either will be next Bachelorette, so it will come down to what happens in the "incredibly emotional three-hour finale." There is a three-point gap between finishing first and second (including the rose), so this could well be decided by crying and/or sneaking extra time in the final episode. It may be a photo finish. Amazing that K&P could win it having scored the least of anyone with their first two picks. Used to be your first two picks meant everything in this pool.
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+3 last team standing bonus
Will Tia be next Bachelorette? I thought she had it sewn up, but Kendall made a late charge. Or they could bring in fresh blood. Or they could bring back someone from the past. I dunno if it will be worth watching. I say this and then summer rolls around and there's nothing to do and I end up not only watching but looking forward to it.
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4. Lauren B - 26
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Melissa hypothesized Caroline's cryptic calling-out of Arie in the Women Tell All was in regards to him telling so many women he's in love with them. Maybe he is, but this guy has really gone overboard with it. Based on his words, both Becca and Lauren B must be convinced they're going to win. The loser is not going to take it well, and it's Arie's fault.
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Kendall seemed to take that exit a little too well, almost as if she'd gotten as far as she wanted to and was relieved she wouldn't actually have to do all the post-finale publicity and, you know, date Arie for real.
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2. Becca - 25
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Bri & Doug may have drafted the winner and still finish last. That is an achievement that will likely never be matched.
1. Lauren B has had this in the Bag ever since that night she told Arie she was falling in love with him.
ReplyDelete2. Arie had trouble telling Becca he was falling in love with her.
3. Next Brette is Tia or a someone previous.
4. Once Lauren B saw Arie told other women he was in love with them. She is insecure and she will be crushed and their relationship will not survive, just like Lauren and Ben H.
5. If Tia's family wasn't so different from Arie's she would have made the final 4. It's really hard for someone from the south to win this show.
6. I told Andie the women weren't falling for Arie like other Bachelors. Andie theorized that Arie was more feminine and not as hunky as the other guys.
7. If I had passed on Seinne and taken 2 Tias I'd be leading wire to wire only to lose at the end.
8. This season wasn't as exciting because the quality of the women was higher and there wasn't as much drama.
I agree with Big E, Lauren B has it "in the Bag." I am really curious to see what this Caroline call-out was referencing; I assume we'll find out. At first, I thought it was just the show creating drama, but it seemed unexpected by Chris Harrison and everyone else...
ReplyDeleteSo excited for the finish. Crying is going to be the difference!
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