Synopsis
In Bali, Chris and Kaitlyn put some baskets on their heads
and hung out with monkeys. One of them peed on Chris. The rest of their date
was boring, so boring I started entering daily fantasy golf lineups. Melissa
sarcastically asked if I wanted her to pause it since I was multitasking. They
ate dinner next to a pool and Kaitlyn admitted she was feeling vulnerable. Then
they went to the fantasy suite where there was a bathtub full of roses. Kaitlyn
told the farmer she was “completely falling in love” with him and he said he
was falling in love with her too.
Chris and Whitney drank champagne on a boat and made out and
talked about Whitney’s sister. They jumped into the ocean and made out more,
then got back into the boat and made out more. “I am very confident that I am
going to marry Chris,” Whitney said. “I am very confident that I am going to
marry you,” Melissa said to me.
They had dinner. Whitney wore a pukey-green dress and Chris
ripped on his hometown. Whitney started talking about Arlington and Chris took
a huge gulp of whiskey. Whitney said Arlington wouldn’t be her top choice to
live in but it didn’t matter because her new job would be making babies. Chris
told the cameras he was falling in love with Whitney and they went to the
fantasy suite. “I feel like after the conversation tonight our relationship did
get deeper and stronger,” Whitney said. “That’s not the only thing that’s gonna
get deeper and stronger,” Melissa said.
Becca joined the Bali mix. She and Chris went to a temple
where a rotund fortune teller/monk told them to make love that night. They ate
dinner at a familiar-looking resort and like a broken record Chris told Becca
that he was falling in love with her. Becca eventually reciprocated, then
finally told Chris she was a virgin. The farmer raised his eyebrows, sighed,
muttered, stammered and said it was NBD. Becca was relieved and they spent the
night in the fantasy suite.
The farmer cried about the tough decision he had to make in
getting rid of one of the girls. An urgently-needed Chris Harrison arrived to
counsel him but wasn’t able to provide much clarity. The two Chrises went to a
temple where the ladies were standing in a courtyard wearing neon robes. The
farmer took Becca aside right before the rose ceremony to talk about their
feelings. Becca made a repetitive speech. Bailey snored loudly. “She doesn’t
move her mouth very much when she talks,” Melissa noted. They walked back into
the temple courtyard hand-in-hand. “Oh shoot!” Kaitlyn exclaimed. Whitney
furrowed her brow.
Chris axed Kaitlyn, who couldn’t look him in the eye. “What
happened?” she asked in shock and started crying. Chris admitted he didn’t know
what he was doing, a rooster crowed and Melissa complimented Kaitlyn for not
smearing mascara on the farmer’s white robe while she was crying. Kaitlyn got
into an SUV and said it was “the most humiliating experience of my entire life”
while the farmer wept and the godforsaken rooster continued to crow.
Standings
Andie & Eric: 66.5 points
2. Whitney: 31
+1.5 last team standing bonus (tie)
Whitney has slowly, quietly, squeakily developed into a juggernaut. She started without fanfare, but flipped the script with her ambitious wedding crash. It was obvious the farmer came away from that date stunned and impressed, and she hasn't slowed down from there. Whitney is the favorite.
Kelly & Phil: 41 points
1. Becca: 26
Becca made a huge save to close out the penultimate episode. It was obvious Chris was debating between Becca and Kaitlyn and needed one last conversation with Becca to clear something up. It was bizarre that they needed to iron something out after having just spent a night with no cameras together. You would think they had plenty of time to talk about it.
The fantasy suite episode is the most important episode of the season, though it's impossible for the audience to see why the Bachelor(ettes) make their final decisions. It's the only opportunity for them to make legitimate evaluations with privacy finally intact. They can weed it down to three before fantasy suites, but might not really ever know for sure until the morning after.
Poor Kaitlyn. It seemed like she played defense for 95% of the show and got punished the moment she finally developed legitimate feelings. She'll soon realize her destiny was never to crank out Iowan babies, it was either to be the next Bachelorette or to form a devastating man-eating duo with Sharleen. She'll be fine. Sharleen agrees.
+1.5 last team standing bonus (tie)
Could Becca flip the pool with a stunning defeat of Whitney and subsequent rejection of a marriage proposal from Chris? Vegas has it at 15:1. This pool isn't quite over yet, due to a clever wrinkle we wrote into the rulebook before the last draft.
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