Synopsis
There was an endless “previously on”/ “coming up on” opening
trailer that lasted like 15 minutes. The show finally started and the crew wound up in France. Andrea and Melissa decided to go there next week.
Then they ripped on Andi’s skirt.
“Bonjour” some of the guys said. “That’s all they know how to say,” Melissa said.
“Bonjour” some of the guys said. “That’s all they know how to say,” Melissa said.
Chris Harrison showed up wearing a Euro turtleneck and had a
contrived conversation with Andi. The girls ripped on Andi’s skirt some more. “I know it’s
supposed to be all in right now to mix textures, but I’m just not a fan,”
Melissa said. “It’s not a good look,” Andrea concurred.
They went to a harbor. “This is, like, a harbor,” Andi said.
Then they got on a boat and Josh bragged about what a high
draft pick he was in baseball. He claimed he stopped playing because he wanted
to be a family man. None of us bought it. He did not attempt to explain why
he’s unemployed.
Back at the house, JJ started a brouhaha by
claiming that Andrew said “blackie” referring to Beverage Sales Ron and
Marquel. “Andrew’s really not that cute,” Melissa said. “He’s got the tooth
thing. Sometimes his lip covers his tooth and it looks like he
has a tooth missing," she explained.
Andrea entertained us with a mime routine during the
commercial break. I miss my DVR.
Andi and Josh had dinner in a castle. Actually, they looked
at their dinner and talked. Then they danced while some wannabe Chris Isaak
strummed in the courtyard.
All the guys except the one-on-one daters met up with Andi. “How
is she choosing those shoes?” Melissa asked, bewildered. “To go exploring in
Marseille??”
They had to be mimes in a city square for the group date. Nobody stood out, except for sourpuss V who was uncomfortable and whined about being on a group date.
They had to be mimes in a city square for the group date. Nobody stood out, except for sourpuss V who was uncomfortable and whined about being on a group date.
JJ took Andi on a ferris wheel. She liked it. She gave him the
group date rose. “Well played, Pantsapraneur,” Bag said.
The guys got in a bunch of arguments that night. There was
drama over V making fun of Cody for feeling thankful. Cody bitched him out and
told Andi. Marquel confronted Andrew in front of everybody about allegedly
calling him a blackie. Andrew said no I didn’t. It reminded me a lot of a first
grade class.
V sort of apologized, and sort of admitted it to Andi. She sort of bought it. “I dunno Moon,” Paul said. “I don’t see much long-term going
on there. It looked like she had a very skeptical look on her face."
PiMaster wandered downstairs. “Is this almost done?” he asked. We told him it was
two hours. “It’s two hours???” he asked incredulously.
Andi and Brian went and saw a movie about food. Then they went
to the market and got food. Then they went to an apartment and tried to
cook it, but Brian was a huge fail in the kitchen. “This is disastrous,” Paul
said.
They sat down to eat. “Bon appétit,” Andi said. “Why not?”
Brian asked glumly. They started to eat it, then gave up and went to a
restaurant. Brian talked about what a spectacular date it was while Melissa
made shoveling motions and Andrea mimed a noose. For some reason Andi gave him
the rose anyways.
“Wow, that was a big surprise,” Paul said. “I just don’t see
it,” Bag added.
“He made a shot from halfcourt,” Melissa reminded us.
Andi ixnayed the cocktail party and sent Andrew the Douche,
Patrick the Douche, and Marquel the Blackie packing at the rose ceremony.
Standings
Kelly & Phil: 28.5 points
Marcus: 11.5
Brian: 9.5
+3 team bonus
For a moment there it looked like the defending champs might
lose two ponies in one episode, but Brian got out of that hot kitchen just in
time. I don’t know what he has to offer if he can’t cook. There won’t be any
more dates on the basketball court this season, so he better have an ace up his
sleeve.
Bri & Doug: 17 points
Chris: 10
The farmer guy isn’t making up twelve points by himself, so
DouBri’s only chance is for Marcus’s girlfriend to crash the party just as
Brian is implicated in a high school sex scandal. It’s not a bright outlook.
Melissa & Tom: 15.5 points
Melissa & Tom: 15.5 points
Nick V: 7
JJ: 8
Is V a closet d-bag? I don’t think so. He’s confident, he
let that confidence show, and he apologized. Andi’s not going to mind that he’s
a curmudgeon on group dates – she often commented on their absurdity during The Bachelor. It’s JJ that might be the
secret shithead. Instigating the Blackie Scandal was way out of line. Not
owning up to it was worse.
Andrea & Zack: 13.5 points
Josh M: 8.5
I still don’t know what to think about Josh M, and neither
does Andi. He’s straight out of Bruce Springsteen’s “Glory Days”, he’s counting
on his little brother to get that second NFL contract, and he’s way past red on
the Douche Detector. But there’s something charming, something indefinably
intriguing about him too. Time will tell.
Andie & Eric: 11 points
Dylan: 7
Dregs: 10.5 points
Cody: 6
This is gonna be a photo finish between A&E and the
Dregs. MeatHead is going on a one-on-one date next week. Dylan is the odds-on
favorite to bust at the next rose ceremony, so if MeatHead survives his
one-on-one, the Dregs will likely put the cone of shame on A&E.
1. Updated odds (with Nate Sliver's input)
ReplyDeleteMarcus 49%
Nick 25%
Josh 18%
Brian 5%
Rest of field 3%
2. Nick's stock is going down and Josh's stock went way up. Living
close to each other helps tremendously, just as being a farmer in Iowa
hurts tremendously.
3. At the beginning of the show, when Chris Harrison was dressed like
a Frenchie, she noted she was in love with more than one guy. Those
two guys were Marcus and Nick.
4. I wasn't a fan of Pants telling Marquel about Andrew's comment. First, Pants wasn't sure exactly what he said, and second, it put Marquel off his game. Third, it's already
clear that Andrew is worthless.
5. Second best exit interview of the season goes to Patrick. "Andie
lost out...A lot of people have told me, and not just girls, that I
have a lot of good husband qualities." During this episode I was
starting to think that maybe he wasn't a bad guy, then that
happened.
6. Final 4 now looks set unless we have some sort of disqualification
from a contendor, and Nick is the most likely one for that. He's more
than salty. He's odd, and probably won't be entertaining enough for
Andi, even though she is currently in love.
7. It's still unlikely she marries any of these characters. Marcus is
the one she would most likely marry, but it's unknown if he is
entertaining enough.
8. DYLAN! TOP 8, BABY!
9. Huge bonus for Kelly & Phil that Andrew was able to exit without penalty.
He sealed his fate in his final discussion with Andi.
10. There is still hope I don't finish last to the real teams. That would require Chris
to get kicked off for some sort of hidden crazy secret that come's out
with the lie detector test.
Possibilities:
He was having an affair with Andrew
He's a Mormon living in Iowa and he already has 2 wives
Sex change
11. How long can Cody and Pants skate?
12. Marquel would be an entertaining Bachelor.
13. When Andi was saying it got complicated with Nick, she had the
look of a woman who had done more than just kiss the guy.
14. I don't think anybody bought Josh's claim that he quit baseball by choice.
15. Andi would choose to marry Dylan over both Cody and Pants, and he might outlast them. It wouldn't hurt if he smiled a bit.
16. It was obvious by her in-date commentary that Andi wasn't sending Brian home. She noted the cooking thing was odd, she talked about how she wanted him to kiss her, but she wasn't in a bad mood.
17. She's never going on a date with Cody or Pants hoping they come up from behind and kiss here.
18. They've got to quit with the movie cross promotions.
19. DYLAN!
There is a little part of me that wants to see Chris the Farmer make a giant comeback.
ReplyDeleteAre you ready for the greatest comeback in reality TV history! The Rise of Dylan begins tonight!
ReplyDelete